Dream Catcher

In the spidery webs of a dream catcher,
I want the half acknowledged truths
and my deep subconscious fears to be caught
and disappear by dawn.

In the willowy patterns of a dream catcher,
I want happiness and my personal paradises
to filter through to my sleep.

Dangling above my bed,
hanging over my head,
My very own dream catcher,
which protects me from the very self knowledge,
I am afraid to confront.
When you dry out and collapse,
will all the dreams be undone?

Vision of Hope

Note- Before you read this,it is my Twilight fanfiction. On Alice and Jasper. I love these characters and I love their relationship,and as usual my favorite characters get less screen time because everything is about Edward and Bella. -rolls eyes-And if you don't know Alice or Jasper's character history,it won't make much sense to you. Or maybe it would. Anyway-:


~Alice~
It was waking up from a nightmare,
the burning in my throat remained,
a residue of the hideous fire.
I had no sense of identity,
the emptiness seared along with my throat
The scent of humans were deliciously intoxicating.

I rolled to my feet,
letting the scent guide me,
when a vision transfixed me,
it cut through my emptiness
and gave me an identity I needed.

His face swam into my consciousness
The man had golden hair,
crescents cutting into his alabaster skin
His dark eyes rimmed with red
There was an expression of deep sadness,
it exuded around him like an aura.
but I found him beautiful.

I watched in a trance as the vision shifted,
I was holding his hand,
running towards the golden eyed vampires who were hunting animals.
He smiled at me, a peaceful,serene expression that sent explosive joy to my bones.
We both had golden eyes.

I opened my eyes,
and I felt peaceful,
for the first time since I had woken up,
from never ending darkness.
The darkness stretched before me,
like an ocean waiting to be swum across
towards the light.

I knew I would meet the man of my vision,
I knew I had to meet him.
Jasper.
He is where I was headed,
he is where my life was headed.

~Jasper~

The diner was dreary,
and I was thirsty.
Again.
I knew I would succumb to it,
the rain had made the smell of human blood,
more intoxicating,more potent.

There was a sweet smell among the humans,
an innocent flowery scent that could only belong to..
...a vampire.
She was dancing towards me blithely,
her golden eyes, her peaceful expression,
and the emotions emanating from her intrigued me.
Love? Relief? Happiness?
How strange.

"You have kept me waiting for so long"
she trilled,it was a beautiful sound.
And I ducked my head instinctively,
"I am sorry,ma'am"
She held out her hand, I studied her delicate picture,
the faith in her expression,a speculative tilt of her head.

I took her tiny hand,without making a sense of what I was doing,
the softness of her skin took me by surprise,
or perhaps,I never held anyone's hand this way.
We walked out of the diner,
and she gave me a smile.
A bewitching smile. A happy,radiant smile.
For the first time in the century,
I felt hope.

His and Her Sonnet

Dedicated to Amrutha and Lee ^_^

It was raining outside. The water pressed against the window,and the rain gushed like an excited child. The chilly air made goosebumps of her fair skin rise like pink dots,trailing across her bare arms. She wrapped herself more securely in a blanket,and listened to the quiet rhythmic breathing on her side. She rolled over,and watched his face with a smile.
Boy or a man?
She couldn't tell. It was a face of a boy forced to grow up into a man,but the sleep smoothed out the hard mask,his face was peaceful.Her eyes were tender as she watched him,each second,never getting bored and reveling in the slow movement of time as she watched him sleep.She sat up,her hand on his forehead,as if she wanted to be a part of the place where he found peace. I am right here, she thought as she watched him.You just have to open your eyes.


~~~
The rain was like a curtain that separated them from rest of the world. Like a tiny,peaceful bubble. The chilly air had made goosebumps rise across her fair arms,he traced them absently.
Woman or a child?
He couldn't tell.She gazes with that soft stare that knows him much more than he does. Yet,he sees her grin playfully and launch into an excited chatter like a child,her face dissolving into endearing childishness which changes into a woman's mysterious knowing smile with unnerving speed.
She closes her eyes and lays her head on his chest,like a content kitten curling up before the warmth and he holds her there,much more content than he has known himself. He watches her sleep,watching her innocence effortlessly blending into sensuality...still wondering,marveling about the woman with him .
~~

Little Princess

Hey,little one,
yes,you..the one who is locked up
inside of me.
I know you are mad,
that I have bolted the door too tight.
You are resentful,
you are claustrophobic.

You question why I lock you away,
you who believes in magic,
and happy endings,
with your faith in your beliefs,
and your many wants,
you who believes
you are a princess with white dresses,
waiting for a prince.

Can you understand why I cannot have it any other way?
I sense your smugness,
as I see paradise at bay.
When the magic words are said,
the spell is broken,
the door is open,
you burst forth and take control,
you smile,
and I cry.

The Happy Clown

Here was the happy clown,
A painted smile to his face,
his laughter was a blithe and untroubled sound,
he amuses his audience in his pace.

Painful truths in jest,
he professes.
Leaving his audience in mirth,
they still underestimate his worth.

No one wonders about the face behind
the antics asinine.
He remains the happy clown,
a painted smile on his face
No one sees the hint of a frown,
behind his painted face.

Monster

The shell burst into pieces,
like glass shards of a bottle that held too much.

There was no shape anymore,
to contain the acid churning inside.
It spilled over,
hurting those it needed the most,
scarring those who it loved.

Appalling myself.
Gushing out of my control,
There is a monster lurking inside of me,
can I hope to subdue it,
when there is no shape to hold it in anymore?

~

Masquerade

The hall stretched above him into a dome,the chandelier swinging ominously with delicate 'clinks'. The music delicately rose in and out like a tide. The first few masked dancers were already on the floor. The crowd was slowly milling in,wearing rather imaginative costumes. This is going to be interesting,he mused to himself as he stood against the wall. He was wearing a dark overcoat,a black turtleneck and an amused smile. He was standing in the corner,and he rather doubted he needed a mask as the colorful crowd camouflaged him so well. The crowd hushed for a moment, watching a new arrival warily. He craned his neck to see them.
He saw her first. The man she was with,he did not care much about.
She was walking elegantly on the arm of that man,her delicate frame covered in black satin. It was easy to see her blood pulse through her pale skin,he could see it pool her cheeks easily as she smiled at the people she knew. She looked over at him,there was a puzzled half smile on her face as she turned away. He hadn't realized he was staring.
He followed her easily through the crowd,because she, like him,wasn't wearing a mask. She like him,did not smell like a human. She was standing near the banquet table,her dark eyes scanning the crowd. She got herself red wine and turned to face him,her eyebrows raised in a question. "You were following me"
" I was" he admitted.
"Why?" she asked simply,as if she did not care for the answer.
"This is a masquerade ball" he told her,grinning."What are you wearing?" gesturing towards her evening gown and her lack of a mask.
She half smiled,not a warm one,but a rather intimidating one. "I am wearing my face"

Nil Desperandum

The clothes were back in the cardboard boxes,as her friends had advised. His books,his diaries,his CD's,his sketchbook. The loss resonated within her hollow ribs. She had just sealed them, and she looked at her apartment. The plate was still on the coffee table where she had eaten Chinese food she had ordered. I didn't put it in the sink? She vaguely remembered watching TV dully. She couldn't remember what she had watched. The apartment looked as if it hadn't been lived in for days even though she had been here for a week. All day.
It was so empty. It made her sick.
Where was the laughter? Where did it all turn cold? Where was the warmth and the certainty? Why couldn't she reach for it and bring it all back? She felt robbed and betrayed. This should have gone on forever! Their relationship was timeless. How could it have such an ending?
The sealed boxes taunted her..
She bent down and feverishly opened the boxes. She had to do it. She couldn't give it up. She wanted to feel...and these were the only things that did make her feel. A strange kind of happiness. It was strange because they were accompanied with excruciating pain that tore at her insides.
I am delusional.
~
The boxes were sealed once again.
"I am taking these with me" her friend told her,looking at her like a child who misbehaved. "He is gone,and holding onto his stuff isn't going to bring him back. Your life isn't over...and he would have wanted you to live"
She stared resentfully at her friend.
"It is hard" her friend told her,kindly. "I know..but it is for the best"
She said nothing. She knew what was for the best,but she didn't want the 'best'. She did not want to hear empty kind words which meant nothing. She watched her friend march off with the boxes mutely. And again, she faced the empty apartment that did not belong to her anymore.
~
She looked for her book in her drawers,but she found spectacles instead. His spectacles. Her face lit up in a smile. She was relieved,she thought she had forgotten. The spectacles were a treasure,it was proof that he had lived,really lived.. that his brown eyes had looked at her through these spectacles. Those eyes that could see everything.
She put those spectacles on her desk and watched it with wonder. Her smile slowly faded and she felt abruptly exhausted. She put the spectacles back and went off to sleep.
~~~~~

PS- I was reading PS I Love You and I was disappointed by the shallow characterisation and amateur writing to an otherwise good story. It is an easy reading experience,but not satisfying. This is my alteration ,just wrote out Holly's despair but Gerry doesn't wear glasses. If anyone else wants to read what despair feels like when their spouse had died, Oliver's Story has a better description. And Oliver's Story 's ending was beautiful -

"Sometimes I wonder what I would have been like if Jenny had been alive. I know my answer : I would have been alive too"

and lol,you gotta love Oliver's sarcasm : when his father in law sets him up on a date-

Oliver : I have to leave
His air headed date : Why?
Oliver : for a porn movie
Date : Jeez! You are such a weirdo..you watch porn movies?
Oliver : Oh no. I don't watch them . I act in them. (leaves)
Phil : Why are you leaving?
Oliver : The utter joy is killing me.

~~~I love Erich Segal's Love Story. Lol. It is so kawaii and you end up laughing through most of it.

Jenny : Thank God you're hung up about your father. That means you're not perfect.
Oliver: Oh-you mean you are?
Jenny : Hell no,Preppie. If I was,would I be going out with you?
Oliver : (thinking) Back to business as usual.

Jenny : Oliver,you're gonna flunk out if you're gonna sit there watching me study.
Oliver: I am not watching you study.I am studying.
Jenny : Bullshit. You're looking at my legs.
Oliver : Only once in a while. Every chapter.
Jenny: The book has extremely short chapters.
Oliver: Listen you narcissistic bitch,you're not that great looking!
Jenny : I know. But can I help it if you think so?

Mrs Capodilupo : Hey Jenny!
Jenny : Hey Mrs Capodilupo!
Mrs Capodilupo : Hey-who is the boy?
Oliver : (thinking) Not too subtle around here,are they?
Jenny: He is nothing!
Oliver : (thinking) Which does wonders for my confidence.
Mrs Capodilupo: Maybe. but the girl he is with is surely something!
Jenny: He knows !

Oliver : Thank you,sir. I appreciate it. Really,I do. And you know how I feel about your daughter,sir. And you,sir.
Jenny : Oliver,will you stop babbling like a stupid goddamn preppie-
Mr Cavilleri: Jennifer,can you avoid the profanity? The sonovabitch is a guest!

Oliver : Hey,listen you bitch
Jenny : What,you bastard?
Oliver : I owe you a helluva lot
Jenny: Not true,you bastard,not true
Oliver : Not true?
Jenny : You owe me everything.

Oliver : Is there anything special you want to take along?
Jenny: Uh huh. You.

Ophelia

~
Fair lady,Ophelia,
in love with a man who is 'cruel to be kind',
has thine love rendered you blind?

Incinerating your good naive faith,
charring your reason,shouldn't that be a descent to hate?
Pure you remain,
wasting away in your own pain.
Incapable you were of your own distress,
seemingly you were never his heart's mistress.
~

Rhett Butler <3: The rogue,blackguard ,scamp :D

1. Frankly,my dear,I don't give a damn. \m/ (to Scarlett O'Hara) [hear,hear]
2. You are like a thief,who isn't sorry that he stole but is terribly sorry he is going to jail. (to Scarlett O'Hara) [ reminds me of a lotta people]
   

3.Scarlett : Stop laughing
Rhett: I am laughing because I am so sorry for you.
Scarlett: Sorry for me? Be sorry for yourself.
Rhett: Yes,hurts,doesn't it? I feel sorry for you,my pretty little fool. You can't stand either laughter or pity,can you?
[Neither can I :P]

4. But,hell,I wouldn't have grudged him your body. I know how little bodies mean-especially women's bodies. But I do grudge him your heart and your dear hard,unscrupulous,stubborn mind. He doesn't want your mind,the fool,and I don't want your body. I can buy woman cheap. But i do want your mind and your heart and I'll never have them,any more than you'll have Ashley's mind,and thats why I feel sorry for you.
You are a child crying for the moon. What would the child do with the moon if it got it? And what would you do with Ashley? Yes,I'm sorry for you-sorry to see that you are throwing away your happiness and reaching out for something that would never make you happy. We could have been happy,for I loved you and I know you,Scarlett,down to your bones,in a way Ashley could never know you. And he would despise you if he did know. But no,you must go mooning after a man you cannot understand. And I,my darling,will continue to moon after whores. And,I dare say,we'll do better than most couples. -Rhett Butler
[ Applaud. I love the guy.]

5. And money has made you very very happy,hasn't it my dear? -Rhett Butler
[ Lol. Money can't buy happiness to those who have it. And for those who don't,there is another story]
6. She is the only dream I had that did not die in the face of reality. -Ashley Wilkies about Melanie Wilkies. [ Kinda reminds me of Spike talking about Julia "She is the only woman who was truly alive to me"]
7. No. If you must see him as he really is,see him straight. He's only a gentlemen caught in a world he doesn't belong in,trying to make the best of it by rules of the world that's gone- Rhett Butler about Ashley Wilkies.
[ Wouldn't we say that for everyone?]

8. You are so cruel to those who love you,Scarlett. You take their love and hold it high above their head like whip.I couldn't tell you I love you because I knew you would use it against me- Rhett Butler to Scarlett O'Hara
[ I believe there is technical term for women like Scarlett O'Hara. I am withholding it. ^_^]

9. My darling,you are such a child. You think by saying "I'm sorry" all the errors and hurts of years past can be remedied,obliterated from mind,all poison drawn from old wounds. Scarlett,I was never the one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together and tell myself that the mended hole was as good as new. What is broken is broken-and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see broken places as long as i live. I couldn't live with you and lie to you and I certainly couldn't lie to myself. I can't even lie to you now. I wish I could care what you do and where you went,but I can't.
Frankly,my dear,I don't give a damn-Rhett Butler to Scarlett O'Hara.
[ I would have applauded for this one. I love it. And that is how I see it too]
10. With enough courage, you can do without a reputation. - Rhett Butler
[ The trouble is..does everyone have that kind of courage? The mask that we wear in society soon becomes the face itself]

11.Rhett: Has the war started?
Scarlett: Sir, you... you should have made your presence known.
Rhett: In the middle of that beautiful love scene? That wouldn't be very tactful, would it? But don't worry, your secret is safe with me.
Scarlett: Sir, you are no gentleman.
Rhett: And you, miss, are no lady... Don't think that I hold that against you. Ladies have never held any charm for me.

12. Heaven help the man who loves you.- Rhett Butler to Scarlett O'Hara
[Talking about yourself,aren't you,Mr Butler? ]

13. Of course, the comic figure in all this is the long-suffering Mr. Wilkes! Mr. Wilkes, who can't be mentally faithful to his wife — and won't be unfaithful to her technically. Why doesn't he make up his mind?- Rhett Butler
[ Indeed. Its a very tragi-comic scenario]

14. "The Cause!". the cause of living in the past is dying right in front of us. -Rhett Butler
[ True,Mr Butler.Very true]

So long,Adieu

The sky's depressing grey blue was pressing down on him,foreshadowing inevitable grief that loomed over his head.
It was pouring.
The damp streets left a whiff of a change. He knew after the curtain of rain would cease,there will be a new life sprawling in front of him.
A new beginning.
An end. A death.
The sound of the rain echoed his impatience. An impatient babble.
And petals of rose fell from the window above,falling to his feet like ashes.
The dream had smoldered to an end. And what remained of it was ashes, that looked cruelly like rose petals.

He had dreamt of that paradise. The dream of peace and bliss. And without so much of a sound, the dreams shattered. Wisps of them remained, a sweet pleasure,indistinguishable from the weight of its sadness.
The shredded petals of the rose,now fallen on the damp street reflected them. Scattered like broken glass. The pieces of his dreams that pierced the nothingness. How strange that those rose petals looked like drops of blood.
Was he bleeding?
No.
He was empty. He couldn't bleed.
He couldn't feel.
He couldn't cry. He was dead.
Was the sky being kind enough to cry for him?
No,the sky was singing a funeral song.
He dropped the bouquet and walked away, seeing nothing.

Seeing everything....

.....Goodnight.
So long, Adieu.

The Muse

Step out of those canvas,
Breathe.
You are the reality I lived,
the idea that I nurtured,
Can my own thoughts deceive?
My pride,my exultation,my joy..
are being tainted by apprehension

Open your eyes,
Look at me.
Are you what I thought you would be,
or are you your own being?
Do I see what you are..
or do I see a blinding illusion?

Smile.
Tell me.
Do you inspire me,
or does the idea itself?
Speak,my Muse,
Enlighten me.

Well,isn't that peachy?

You sit at the back of the classroom,utterly bored. Your apathetic dark eyes skim the classroom,you look like everything has disappointed you. You sit there,attempting to blend in,yet your expression suggests you hold yourself above it. You smirk at the sight of the high school drama unfolding around you,enjoying the bigger picture,and the private joke. There is a deep sadness within you,like an incurable disease. I wonder if it is because of not fitting in to the framework of a high school.

You see me approach you,and your eyes dance with amusement. Are you teasing me?

Your attention vexes me.Your head tilts speculatively as you regard me, and you greet me with your sarcasm.We share the same morbid sense of humor, the fascination with all things abstract and we laugh together giddily before I realise that you enjoy yourself with me. The idea strangely pleases me.

You realise you have given too much away,and pull yourself back together. I smile at you,pleased that I have an upper hand this time when I tell you about yourself. You are surprised that I have caught on,but not displeased.

You turn away from me,smiling.

<3 Apart from the song Eclipsed,this quote is my definition of love

"I cannot express it; but surely you and everybody have a notion that there is, or should be an existence of yours beyond you. What were the use of creation if I were entirely contained here? My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning; my great thought in living is himself.If all else perished and he remained,I would still continue to be. If all else remain and he were annihilated,the universe would remain a mighty stranger:I should not seem a part of it. My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods. Time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees — my love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath — a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Heathcliff — he's always, always in my mind — not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself — but as my own being "- Catherine Earnshaw, Wuthering Heights

Jane

Are you intimidated by your own beauty? You walk around in shorts and men's overlong shirts,trying to hide it. You are impatient with your hair,you throw them carelessly into a ponytail.You try to hide your hands when you see prettier hands than yours,ones that are soft and offer comfort easily. You look at your hands sadly. Your shoulders are hunched inwardly,defensive,as if expecting a rebuke. You walk lazily,yet it is possible to discern your petite frame through your large clothes.
You lounge in the chair,reading. You let your pen scratch words into your diary...your eyes looking deceptively communicative,yet it gives away nothing. Your face is like a child's,but your gaze is unnervingly wise. Your smiles are often kind,understanding,with flashes of amusement.
You seem embarrassed by attention,yet you want recognition. You are beautiful...but not the kind that attracts attention. Or that is striking. It is the kind that we comprehend like healing gentleness. As we spend more time with you,we realise that you had been beautiful all along.
Are you intimidated by how beautiful you are? Is that why you want to hide?
As I ask you this question,there is a wry smile playing on your lips and mysterious emotion behind the curtains of your eyes....

.........Is that my answer?

Who really was Yamato Kaji?

Those of you familiar with the LCDPP comm will know about the fic Azu chan gave birth to and I adopted. It was THE fic of the comm which,Azu and I were reading again today. It unnerves me that I have written a part of this. I still cannot feel that I have written it and mainly,because of the character of Yamato Kaji. To be honest,I never intended to introduce him. I just wanted the name to be a reason why Aoi Kaji was dissatisfied with his family like all poor little rich boys are. And then Yamato Kaji,very like his character refused to be bound in the slot I had placed him. And then when I introduced him,I intended him to end up with Suzuka. And again,he defied me. The voice in my head said,"Me and Suzuka? Look at what you have written and see if that's honestly possible". I surrendered to his logic even though I named them in a way that hinted to people they are supposed to end up together.
And now I have read the fic again, I am left wondering...who did I model it on? My initial introduction of him was very much influenced by how I thought of my old crush. The "Inferno" I was talking about.Yes,I thought I modeled it on him...and then the character kept going out of control.
I just noticed after my second re reading of the fic (apart from spelling errors),that Yamato was attracted to women who appeared to need him. The second time Pallavi re entered his life,she was his true worthy equal. Yet,he was attracted to Rei. Whether he loved her is still a mystery to me..and that is really open to interpretation :D. He was someone that defines the Shakespearean phrase,"Cruel to be kind"..or as I say, the kind hearted devil. My favorite paradox,the endearing hypocrisy ...didn't I romanticise him? He always does what he wanted. He cant help but hurt people he loves. He feels guilty but he can't do anything to stop it. He is unattainable. He can only belong 'with' someone. Not 'to' someone. Yes,I did.
Extroverted or introverted? He is deceptively extroverted but the company he enjoys the most is of himself. Maybe the vulnerabilities of the girls he was attracted to echoes his own vulnerabilities. He is artistic,and has almost a crude poetry about him. He is the type to sit alone on roofs and stare at the sky,thinking about something. He is intuitive,and that makes him interact with others easily,but he considers himself above the company. The extroverted loner. What a paradox again.
He is capable of cruelty, of course. He is capable of understanding where his mother's stiffness comes from,but as she denies him his air : freedom, he refuses to empathize. He can be callous to people who he thinks are worthy of his scorn. Like the case with Kai. (Although Kai deserved what he got). He reacts poorly to all people who try to control him or stop him from doing what he wants. He is vindictive,he never fails to hit the tender spot when he is around his parents,who also have feeble attempts at sarcasm around him.He won't lie down and take abuse.
He was an energy that forced things to happen and when he died,a lot of things settled down into much more calmer environment. Maybe I just wanted him to be a catalyst that starts up a chain of events ...especially in transformation of Rei. If he had lived,the story would have gotten more and more complicated...
Oh blah. I still haven't figured out who I really modeled him on. Maybe he was just an outgrowth of my psyche.
I may never know,but ,hey,I did enjoy the walk down the memory lane with Yamato Kaji. :D The fic brought a lot of us closer. ;)

Something I should tell SOME people ^_^

Give me my freedom and I shall extend the same courtesy to you.

I love this pic for some reason ^-^

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
Charlie Brown

I Remember...

There are some memories that trickle through like water,dissolving somewhere into your psyche. I am not sure I remember mine. They like to play hide and seek,giving me occasional glimpses.

I remember the salty air,the texture of the sand,the wind beside the sea. The grey,moody sky and the grey ocean. And how the night cleared the sky of clouds,the night of full moon,violent sounds of the black waves with glinting moonlight off the surface. I remember the lonely beach beside my father's office in Chennai,strewn with bushes and broken bottles but beautiful in its solitude that it offers.
I remember St. Mary's Island. I remember being too young to comprehend how fun it would have been if I had swum in that blue green water. I remember believing there were sharks in there. I remember the sun beating down on the beach,I remember the lemon rice they had served there. I remember going back to the mainline in a fishermen boat,the stench of fish,the way we had all sat on wooden boxes.
I remember the ride in the Hovercraft,and how I was glad to be back out of the craft and back to the shore. I remember being in a ship called Sarang,watching the deep green waters,and being scared of its depth. I remember the black rocks in a beach,and how the ocean sprayed into our faces. I remember sailing from Goa to Mumbai in a fancy boat,which I didn't enjoy much because of how nauseous I felt. I remember eating dosas and idli after watching the sunrise from Marina beach. I remember the buildings and the beaches in Pondicherry,I remember the drive there, i remember Kalpakkam. I remember that I miss the beach.

I remember the trek to Sita Nadi waterfall. I remember how excited I was,that I kept bouncing from one place to another. I remember how others had to use salt and hot water to get leeches off them. I remember the water of the waterfall dropped on me like bullets. I remember I tried to swim. I remember the quiet,undisturbed Hanuman Gundi. I remember the depth of the chilly water that left me shivering violently. I remember the peace the place exuded. I remember Kudremukh. I remember wishing that I would want a house in a peaceful place,away from all the noise. I remember looking at snakes crossing the road,how they slithered out of unexpected places. I remember seeing a cobra,thankfully,fleeing into the drain. I remember playing badminton in the morning. I remember the hut on top of the hill. I remember I could see the port of Manglore from up here. I remember the ice creams. I remember the kites soaring up on the sky,on the day of my birthday. I remember my sister had just learned to walk,however unsteadily. I remember her running after gooses,who scattered at her approach. I remember that my phobia of birds made me wish I was running away.

I remember the dry heat of Hyderabad. I remember buying Cheetos everyday to get Poke'mon tazos,I remember going to school in an army truck, I remember the school with its tiny classrooms,peeling walls and slippery stairs but with a grandeur that all old buildings have. I remember our neighbours, I remember a black dog that used to come to our house for a chappathi, I remember sitting on the compound walls and writing. I remember our neighbour's daughter who was so fond of my sister that she used to yell,"APPPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRNAAAAAAAAAA!!" from her house instead of using the doorbell. I remember when my sister first wore a uniform. I remember loving the room I had, I remember how the rain was beautiful to me only because it fell on an area with such dry heat. I remember staying inside,reading but reveling in the very sound of the rain. I remember my science teacher of 7th std,and how I scorned that woman from the very bottom of my heart. I remember my sanskrit teacher who was so enthusiastic about her subject that one could expect her to imitate the flapping of the bird's wings. I remember playing hockey. Or running after the ball,you could call it.

I remember the frivolous parties,and I remember how I hate them. I remember spending my time in company of people who I don't respect nor whose opinions I care about. I remember that there were only few girls in Coast guard who I considered my friends...Sheetal. We are friends since the diapers. She still has the same laugh she had when I asked my mother for water in Malyalam. That is probably the first time I met her. She hasn't changed over the years. She is still the same...the fair minded,non judgmental,gentle Sheetal. We didn't have much in common,we didn't have much to talk about. We just sat together,without saying much,without needing to say much. We would watch TV,go to watch movies, we would dance and we would smile. She is one of the few people who command my respect with her personality. Then there is Shilpi! What to say about Shilpi,she was a firecracker...I remember gossiping with her on her terrace, she is the only one who I turned to for girly chatter, for secrets, for problems she handled with maturity and compassion. The one I could be a chatterbox with. I really miss those two. I remember them as girls who are my only solace in the crowd of Coast Guard.

I will remember the swelling of hope. I will remember the giddy laughter. I will remember being terrified feeling the change. I will remember walking back home after buying paneer and watching the sky change colours. I will remember my dance practices,the day of roaming around in Lajpat Nagar, sleeping in my friend's PG,doing assignments together and walking in the park.I will remember our dance show,I will remember that after the show,I adore the song "Aahun Aahun". I will remember that I trust friends I have never met far more than people and acquaintances I meet everyday . I will remember that they were who I was. They are who I am.

These are some strangely special memories I want to remember. That I am terrified to forget.

Shigure Sohma : The Puppeteer in the Shadows

"The most unconcerned of being alone. The one who never feared me. The one who was impossible to tie down"-Akito Sohma, about Shigure

"When the twelve zodiac were born this time,the servants were really excited. But I understood something else. This is it. It is going to be the last banquet..and that is why we are all gathered here"- Shigure,about the weakening of the Sohma curse.

"I never changed. I am still there. Waiting for you to come to me"-Shigure, to Akito

"We have just witnessed a classic example of what I like to call 'misdirected rage.' I believe the technical term is 'being an ass.'"- Shigure

" Who is the fool who doesn't understand,now?"-Shigure about Akito, to Hatori.

"Who said anything about leaving? Traitor"-Shigure to Akito.

"That person..always has to make sarcastic remarks when am in pain. He keeps degrading me"-Akito about Shigure.

"Why don't you let go of being a 'God'? The person your father wanted you to be?"-Shigure to Akito

"On one hand,you want me to deny your identity as a woman. On the other hand,you use the very fact you are a woman against me"-Shigure to Akito

"I too know...what it is like to be jealous"-Shigure,referring to Akito and Kureno's relationship.

"Sometimes I think the whole world is conspiring to destroy my house"-Shigure

"The evil has perished!"-Mitchan,Shigure's editor after Shigure's decision to quit the publishing industry.

I still remember that vow. If I can fight to make it happen, I won't feel guilty about...the means to that end. Even if someone gets hurt in the process. There are times...when I hate myself for it. Especially when I see Tohru-kun. It's not what you think. ...She really is a good kid. Even though she is a tranquilizer for Yuki-kun and Kyo-kun...it just seems to me that everything's coming together so... cleanly. I'm forced to see...that I may be...the filthiest one. -Shigure

Mitchan - Please take your job a little more seriously. Isn't your job important to you?
Shigure - Huh? The most important thing to me...has always been me.

"Don't you feel stupid? They have found their happiness,you're the only one who hasn't let go of the past"-Shigure to Mayuko

"Sometimes it is best not to know certain things. Life is better dealt that way. It is peaceful"-Shigure to Mayuko.

"I call it,'animal instinct'"-Shigure

"Que sera sera.Whatever will be,will be"-Shigure

"We,the members of the Zodiac are monsters. The very existence of the Cat makes us feel better about ourselves. Ask anyone whether they look down upon the Cat,for a moment,I assure you,they'll be speechless. And that is the Cat's duty"-Shigure to Tohru.

"Next time,I hope you meet a woman who you don't have to stay away from even while you're with her. A woman you can truly be happy with"-Shigure to Hatori

"So thats how it feels.."-Shigure,after being released from the curse.

Inferno

Am I self destructive?
Why do I feel the cold blizzard across the moor and revel in its chill?
That I walk towards the eye of the storm,not away from it?

Hadn't I known what it is like to be burnt once?
Why am I putting my hand through the fire again?
I have known this inferno.
I have known how it charred my insides,
leaving a blackened,barren,dry land
with every fluid of life drawn out.
It had left me scarred.
Yet,I still look at the inferno
with unhealthy fascination.

Take my hand,
and lead me away.
It will take time for me to heal,
when I am scarred again.

Disillusion

Put me on the cross of disillusionment,
I have been betrayed by certainty,
my coffin nailed shut by my faith.

Crucify me.
But before I perish to dust,
tell me,
is where I am going, a fool's paradise too?

Dedicated to Riju chan

Kindest Eyes
The door has cracked open,
I peeked in to see the visitor.
He stood there,a kindly vision.
He did not try to come in,
after all,this house had nothing to offer him.
He did not turn away,
He just stood there,as if waiting.
He smiled at me,those kind eyes crinkling
and I opened the door for him
He walked in,
and with him came the sunlight.

Fleur De Lis

I was shopping with my friend,who knew my fetish for lockets and rings.It was strange to find him examining crystal ware,near the back of the shop. "Aren't you supposed to be looking for a locket for me?" I asked him,in mock anger. He didn't grin at me like he usually did,he looked at me with a strangely thoughtful expression that scared me. I had never seen him like that before.
He pointed to the wine glass he was staring at.
"My mom had preserved wine glasses like these" he told me. "It was her favorite. I liked them a lot too. It was beautiful"
I waited for him to go on.
"She never allowed me to touch them. And I know why. The day I held them,I broke all of them" he said. There was a smile on his face.It was inflection less.It was almost sardonic.
He turned to me,his poker face was back. He grinned. "Now what kind of locket do you want?"
I smiled.It was a mirror image of his smile.I realised then I had a poker face too. "I have been looking for one which has fleur-de-lis.."
We walked back to the front of the store,our usual camaraderie back in place.

~

Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
-Linkin Park,Faint

Claustrophobia

Dedicated to Lee san
He waits for the numbing bindings to fall away,
for the warmth of passion to thaw his frozen heart,
to find hope in the abyss of monotony
to lift the curse of eternal sleep
So he no longer will be a prisoner of precincts of daily life.

Echo

Her face reflected chaos of grief,the glasses of her facade had shattered,piercing the very self she wanted to protect. She ran inside the bathroom,without changing her clothes,without answering her mother,and shut herself in. She cried to the floor,as if it was the only thing that could listen to her and offer comfort. I wanted to comfort her,but she couldn't see my hands as they tried brush her tears away.

Who was this familiar stranger whose grief sent aches of sadness in me?

Her tears dried out,and she slowly walked out of the bathroom and she lay on her bed, slowly drifting to sleep. An escape she sought. Her face told me she was aware of her pain in sleep,though it was numbed by it. I walked quietly towards her,she reminded me of a younger sibling I might have lost.

"Sleep,little one" I told her,gently,smoothing the worry lines on her forehead." You are going to be just fine"

She curled up in the bed like a cat,and sighed as she drifted to a more peaceful sleep.

When the Curtains Fall

The curtains fall,
the electric euphoria fades.
The pain,heartbreak are waiting for me backstage
The show is over,
and we embrace.
I know they are companions,shadows for me to live with,
for many more days.

Dr.Hannibal Lecter

Inspector: Do you have any guilty knowledge of the death of Paul Momund?

Hannibal: Guilty knowledge?

Mason Verger: So what do ya think, Cordell? Does Lecter want to fuck her or kill her or eat her alive?

Cordell Doemling: Probably all three, though I wouldn't want to predict in what order.

Hannibal :My freedom, just that. You'd take that from me. And if you did, would they have you back, do you think? The FBI? Those people you despise almost as much as they despise you? Will they give you a medal, Clarice, do you think? Would you have it professionally framed and hang it on your wall to look at and remind you of your courage and incorruptibility? All you would need for that, Clarice, is a mirror.


Dr. Lecter: Why do you think he removes their skins, Agent Starling? Enthrall me with your acumen.
Clarice: It excites him. Most serial killers keep some sort of trophies from their victims.
Dr. Lecter: I didn't.
Clarice: No. No, you ate yours.

Jack: Just do your job, but never forget what he is.
Clarice: And what is that?
[Cut to Clarice's first trip to the psychiatric prison]
Dr. Chilton: Oh, he's a monster. Pure psychopath. So rare to capture one alive. From a research point of view, Lecter is our most prized asset.

Dr. Lecter: Tell me, Senator, did you nurse Catherine yourself?
Senator Ruth Martin: What?
Dr. Lecter: Did you breast-feed her?
Krendler: Now, wait a minute …
Sen. Martin: Yes, I did.
Dr. Lecter: Toughened your nipples, didn't it?
Krendler: You son of a bitch!
Dr. Lecter: Amputate a man's leg, and he can still feel it tickling. Tell me, ma'am, when your little girl is on the slab, where will it tickle you?
Sen. Martin: Take this thing back to Baltimore!
Dr. Lecter: Five foot ten, strongly built, about a hundred and eighty pounds; hair blonde, eyes pale blue. He'd be about thirty-five now. He said he lived in Philadelphia, but may have lied. That's all I can remember, Mom, but if I think of any more, I will let you know. Oh, and Senator, just one more thing: love your suit.

Dr. Lecter: [on telephone] Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?
Clarice: Dr. Lecter?
Dr. Lecter: Don't bother with a trace, I won't be on long enough.
Clarice: Where are you?
Dr. Lecter: I have no plans to call on you, Clarice. The world's much more interesting with you in it. So you take care now to extend me the same courtesy.
Clarice: You know I can't make that promise.
Dr. Lecter: I do wish we could chat longer, but … [eyeing Dr. Chilton] I'm having an old friend for dinner. Bye.
Clarice: Dr. Lecter? … Dr. Lecter? … Dr. Lecter? … Dr. Lecter? …

Snape's Worst Memory

"What is it with her?" James asked,trying and failing to look as if it was a throwaway question of no real importance to him.
"Reading between the lines,I'd say she thinks you are bit conceited mate" Sirius said.

"You wait-you wait!"Snape panted.
"Wait for what? What are you going to do,Snivelly,wipe your nose on us?"Sirius said coolly.

"I want to be in Gryffindor 'where brave dwell at heart'.Like my dad" James said.
Snape made a disparaging noise.
"Got a problem with that?"James looked around.
"No"-Though his slight sneer suggested otherwise."If you'd rather be brawny rather than brainy-"
"Where are you hoping to go?"interjected Sirius."Seeing as you are neither?

Sayuri Nitta, Memoirs of a Geisha

The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves... Until one day there are none. No hopes. Nothing remains.
-Sayuri

Dreams can be such dangerous things; they smolder on like a fire does, and sometimes consume us completely.
-Sayuri

Jacob Black <3 ( I love spontaneous,passionate men)

"I'm sorry.I don't have leeches on speed dial"-Jacob Black to Edward Cullen

"He's like a drug for you, Bella. I see that you can't live without him now. It's too late. But I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun." -Jacob Black to Bella Swan.

"Only a teenage boy would agree to this: deceiving both our parents while repairing dangerous vehicles using money meant for my college education. He didn't see anything wrong with that picture. Jacob was a gift from the gods."
- Bella Swan about Jacob Black

"Jacob was simply a perpetually happy person, and he carried that happiness with him like an aura, sharing it with whoever was near him. Like an earthbound sun, whenever someone was within his gravitational pull, Jacob warmed them. "
-Bella Swan about Jacob Black

"I felt like,like it wasn't real.Like I was in a goth version of a bad sitcom,instead of the dweeb about to ask head cheerleader for the prom,I'm the finished-second-werewolf going to ask a vampire's wife to shack up and procreate.Nice"-Jacob Black

"Thank you,it is very kind of you" [Edward]
"Kind is my middle name" -Jacob Black

"He was my best friend and I would always love him but it would never,ever be enough"-Bella Swan about Jacob Black

"I wonder if a bullet through my head would really kill me or would leave a big mess for me to clean up"-Jacob Black

He was everywhere. The piercing sunlight turned my eyelids red, and the color fit, matched the
heat. The heat was everywhere. I couldn’t see or hear or feel anything that wasn’t Jacob.
The tiny piece of my brain that retained sanity screamed questions at me.
Why wasn’t I stopping this? Worse than that, why couldn’t I find in myself even the desire
towant to stop? What did it mean that I didn’t wanthim to stop? That my hands clung to his
shoulders, and liked that they were wide and strong? That his hands pulled me too tight against
his body, and yet it was not tight enough for me?
The questions were stupid, because I knew the answer: I’d been lying to myself.
Jacob was right. He’d been right all along. He was more than just my friend. That’s why it was
so impossible to tell him goodbye — because I was in love with him. Too. I loved him, much
more than I should, and yet, still nowhere near enough. I was in love with him, but it was not
enough to change anything; it was only enough to hurt us both more. To hurt him worse than I
ever had.
I didn’t care about more than that — than his pain. I more than deserved whatever pain this
caused me. I hoped it was bad. I hoped I would really suffer.
In this moment, it felt as though we were the same person. His pain had always been and would
always be my pain — now his joy was my joy. I felt joy, too, and yet his happiness was
somehow also pain. Almost tangible — it burned against my skin like acid, a slow torture.
-Bella Swan,while kissing Jacob Black

And I realised just then I was all wrong about magnets.It wasn't Edward and Jacob I was trying to force together-it was two parts of myself. Edward's Bella and Jacob's Bella.They couldn't exist together,and I never should have tried.
-Bella Swan

Now I could hear the faint rustle of the matted leaves beneath my toenails, the
whisper of an owl’s wings above me, the ocean — far, far in the west — moaning against the
beach. Hear this, and nothing more. Feel nothing but speed, nothing but the pull of muscle,
sinew, and bone, working together in harmony as the miles disappeared behind me.
If the silence in my head lasted, I would never go back. I wouldn’t be the first one to choose this
form over the other. Maybe, if I ran far enough away, I would never have to hear again. . . .
I pushed my legs faster, letting Jacob Black disappear behind me.
- Jacob Black,running away after receiving Edward and Bella's wedding invitation

Oh,blah.I just wished they chose someone else to do Jacob Black in the movie...he is supposed to look like a 25 year old (physically,anyway) werewolf cum mechanic but the consolation is that I hear Taylor lautner is a really good actor. Sigh. Three characters I actually finished the saga for : Jasper,Jacob,Leah and of course there are some paragraphs where her Stephanie Meyer's writing really shines.There are few paragraphs in each book which are beautiful..and sad :)

The Vampire Lestat

In spite of all the refinements of civilization that conspired to make art - the dizzying perfection of the string quartet or the sprawling grandeur of Fragonard's canvases - beauty was savage. It was as dangerous and lawless as the earth had been eons before man had one single coherent thought in his head or wrote codes of conduct on tablets of clay. Beauty was a Savage Garden

- The Vampire Lestat

Hear,hear,Lestat

"I am not going there to die.I am going there to find out if I am really alive" -Spike Spiegal

I love this quote! \m/

Fallen Angel

The goodness is crippling,
I am a fallen angel,
banished from the heavens
the angelic smile withering away,
transforming into ecstasy of hate

An illuminated darkness,
born within this heart,
I descend from the highest point in the sky,
bathing through the moisture of the clouds,
which can't cleanse the sins that have been ignited

The life of mine that has been denied
refuses to touch me,rushes past me,
in a roar of deafening sound,
like a babbling of streams
as I fall into the deepest of slumbers

Drowning

The sensation of drowning,
helplessness and hopelessness
like parasitic vines,entwining themselves
bringing me down..

It is difficult to breathe,
the lungs constrict,
as if the ribs are closing in upon them
like a prison...

Panic makes my arms flail
My legs kick around wildly
My brain feels like ice
as it surrenders itself to the blackness..

I can't struggle anymore,
I am too exhausted
fighting the muddy water around me..
It will be more comfortable to close my eyes into oblivion..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dedicated to my brother

For Pratyush Bhaiya ^_^

An impulsive wanderer,
his long energetic strides,
the eyes that dance with amusement
his presence bursts through boundaries
like an unstoppable force of nature,
consuming ,altering
everything in its path
and nothing is ever the same again.

Dedicated to my girlfriend ^_^ ( :P)

Here you go,my dear Azu..

Waves wash her pale,transient feet
and the pink,seemingly delicate shells
that adorn the white sand,like the shells, her delicate exterior
hides her treacherous interiors
like deep ,molten rocks
slowly moving within the surface of the calm,stable earth


The wind blows strands of her soft hair,onto her mask like,deceptive face
her large ,dark eyes
betray the depths of her soul
Her glass like,seemingly breakable body
houses an indestructible spirit within...

And I thought I hit the reader's block

....thank you,Stephanie Meyer.You see,its been a long time since I read a book where I could feel what was happening.Where I could be sympathetic,where I could get angry that I could nearly slap a fictional character,where I could feel happy,where I could feel my nerves fray as the main character goes through endless despair.And where I could cry.Thank you ,not for Twilight saga , (don't get presumptuous :P)...I meant your first sci-fi novel The Host.
Now,I like the Twilight saga for characters like Jacob ,Jasper and werewolves.New Moon was absolutely brilliant in bringing out Bella's depression...it was the best described prose in the book.I am not too fond of the first book though,maybe I have had high expectations.And Edward Cullen is just too perfect for me to digest.Jacob Black ,the flawed ,passionate and nearly immature character's view point made the strongest parts of the haphazard Breaking Dawn.Oh yeah,Leah Clearwater too :D..how can I forget the feisty wolf girl? Edward and Bella just do not do it for me,although I can relate to Bella on many levels.Their romance (I am going to be flamed by OMG-Edward X Bella fans) just makes me yawn and makes me want to skip pages ( I get it he has a nice scent..I get it that Bella is beautiful..I get it that Edward has butter,topaz eyes when he is not thirsty..CAN WE MOVE ON FROM THERE PLEASE?)..I prefer the descriptions of subtle understanding with Jacob instead . I guess Edward and Bella's doomed love is the core of the story(*sighs*).Eclipse was good in bringing out character backgrounds but I felt handling of so many characters made it go haywire.But,Eclipse was still very good.
Now it brings me to The Host. The Host makes me see you mature from the forever swooning Bella Swan to a different female lead.Or leads,a more appropriate term.I like Melanie Stryder's feisty strength,her wild and emotional ways.I like the alien Wanderer ,taking possession of her body's, passive strength.Their story was impossible to put down because there is so much to think about. What would you do if an alien takes possession of your body and mind? Would you surrender in your identity being erased or would you fight for your individuality?
Melanie fills Wanderer's mind with the visions of the man she loves,Jared.Melanie's body reacts to Jared.Yet,Wanderer is emotionally close to Ian O'Shea.So what is love,in essence? Is it spiritual? Emotional,chemical? Conflicted as Wanderer (yes,I know,weird name and the planet she has been on...even weirder *rolls eyes*) feels with her yearning for Jared and confusing comfort with Ian..it is difficult to know.When Wanderer possesses a new body,it is Ian who she chooses...yet she has few echoes of love she felt for Jared.It can be argued that she felt so because Melanie's felt so strongly for Jared that feelings impacted her too.
I have to hand it to Stephanie Meyer for creating this story about complex relationships..especially the one between Melanie and Wanderer,from resigned acceptance of each other to allies with tinges of jealousy.I simply loved the story....but,there buts,of course.The characters of Jared Howe and Ian O' Shea....as in world view of Stephanie Meyer males,are perfect.Of course,that didn't stop me from liking the more compassionate and understanding Ian but still..they both did attack Wanderer when they first met her in Melanie's body and Ian turned more understanding as he grew to understand her (Wanderer) while Jared kept lying to himself,bitter that his lovers body was now an alien's.It disturbed me because they both weren't that distinct,as in..it felt like the same personality put in different situations.The only thing that felt distinct was that Ian was more broad minded that Jared...that's about it.....Jared reminded me of Jacob Black,BTW.(but that didn't stop me from feeling like punching him due to his shabby treatment of Wanderer in the beginning and nearly half of the book)
The eccentric genius Jeb Stryder,the so-annoying-I-wish-I-could-slap Maggie and Sharon Stryder,the so-annoying-that-I will-punch-if I meet-someone-like-her-face-to-face Seeker and the ever enthusiastic Melanie's younger brother Jamie were wonderful characterisations.I liked the idea of surviving in caves made by air pockets inside a volcano so much that I am waiting for an alien invasion where I would be one of the rebels :P.Too bad about thin mattresses and non availability of pillows...but I would get to soak in hot springs though.And you could always push your enemies into scalding rivers and pretend that they just lost their balance and slipped :D
As for the ending,though I liked it...I would have preferred it a sad,more poignant ending.The story would have stayed with me longer if it had a sad ending...
But...to quote the ending lines of The Host...
"It is a strange world.."
"The strangest"I agreed.

Darkness may reign
but your shadow never leaves

It is the weight that anchors me to life

you are the dream that slips away

as I try to capture it..

I am living a dream

that I will never wake up from..

that will never fade away....

Dangerous Desires

~Zero~
There are intimate secrets
that should be buried than told
There are some desires
that are dangerous to know

I have been guilty,
To thirst for the warmth of your blood,
to desire for having your feelings rush within me
in one painful moment..

A loathsome creature,like I,
would drink your blood like an elixir for life
an inexhaustible desire that would drain you
and would leave me in euphoric depression..

~Yuki~

How greedy can I be?
Kaname-sama's blood alone
does not satisfy me.
I try to eclipse the most forbidden of my desires,
to feel the warmth of Zero's blood.
To taste the sadness of his desire,as strong as mine,
pulse through it.

It would send aches into my human heart,
this longing,
the heart that can no longer separate
the now entwined joy and grief.

I am terrified.
This forbidden desire
is the only remnant of my human heart.
I cling to it,I suffer its longing,
because I don't want to lose my humanity.
I don't want to lose myself.

Confessional Letter to Spilts-vela (pun intended)

Dear Splits-Vela,
The only intelligent audience you are going to get is a bunch a hypocrites who find a pathetic show,a host who wears the expression of being completely lost as to what he is doing there,and a bunch of contestants who willingly signed on to make a spectacle of themselves on national television extremely entertaining.
It is truly pitiful what you do to your contestants.Biotechnology may graft human ear on the back of a rat to see if it makes any difference to the rat.In the same grotesque fashion,your contestants are put through a series of twists to show the nation the ugliest sides of human personality.And to show them strings of abuses people can combine and create in one day.Too bad it is beeped out.That would have been very educational.In the end,everyone looks like a jackass chasing a carrot.Or like a guinea pig that has been experimented on.Neither very flattering for any sane person's ego.
I have to hand it to you though. Where did you gather such people from to ship them off for one month of utter jobless-ness in Goa? Planet Desperate or Planet Jobless? Whichever planet they come from,their education differs from ours.Here is a classic example :- King Mohit had said ,"Ritika is a very influential person and someone might have influenced her".Right.
O King! Thou has struck me dumb,please teach me English! And Nalini classifying frogs as 'reptiles'.Clearly,from the planet they come from,they are not amphibians.
And what is with the girls you have picked? I doubt most people would mind skimpily clad girls trying to woo them,but hey, I have a few questions-do you pay them to make their grey cells numb during the show? Are they doing this on purpose? Do they want to make other intelligent women claw their hair out in frustration?Or are they really that dumb?Well,as long as they keep hormone-driven my-brain-is between-my-legs men happy,I guess the show is going to be sailing smoothly.After all,the perception of sexiness the male contestants have on the show is,"Woh kaisi lagti hai,the way she looks,the way she talks.."
I have a message for the contestants though.Is this really what you want? Everything so intrinsic and intimate to you,laid out there for everyone to see and judge? I guess the answer is 'yes' seeing you have auditioned for the show.Oh and Bhav Aman,underestimating the little intelligence your opponents have isn't smart at all.And blind bats have better wit than most contestants on the show who love washing dirty linen in public.

Go milk a cow,
Stop saying ,"where love is war" all the time,we get your point,
With everlasting love,
A hypocrite.

Eclipse

Obliterating every light
the blackest of nights,
a silence in its despair
yet,we learn
to pin the most desperate hope
on the ring of sunlight
emerging from the darkest eclipse...

Stuff from my old blog

Fading Away
she disintegrates into nothingness,
her existence in wisping into dust
she lingers,asking for a capture
or release
the wind blows,
she is carried awaysoon fading away to nothing...

Lambs for Slaughter
Death loomed over them
like the pale fog of winter morning.
Their impulses knew
this air of foreboding.
Their blood curdling screams
extinguished with resigned acceptance of their fate
their fear,agony and pain buried within their silence.

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I lay curled in my bed
like a vulnerable foetus
struggling for warmth
against the bitter cold
hoping that the hand of the savior
would reach out
as my shivering,pale hands
would accept it

Truth and Lies
The truth prickles the senses,
like stinging cold of ice water..
And the lies spin a cocoon of comfort

What do I prefer?
The lies or the truth?

Do I prefer being taunted by the web of lies
or the sharp relief of the truth?
Do I prefer blissful ignorance
or painful realisation?
Do I prefer being bound by lies
or freed by truth..?

I may never know
whether I am happier..
with the truth or the lies..

Raindrops and Tears
Its raining.
Can you tell the difference between the raindrops and my tears?

Is rain a form of deep sorrow....
of a heart broken above?
The flood of tears it sheds
awash with pain,and love
that is not returned

Or just an expression of love,
after a long drought of faith?
a relief for the earth,
that waited so long ,parched,and dry.

I wish I could tell,
the difference between raindrops and my tears.

Broken Clay Doll
The beautiful doll of clay
lay on the floor,broken and uncared for,
with remnants of its former beauty
present in broken clay shards.
I tried to piece them together,
the shards don't cooperate
they graze my hand
and my hands bleed
as the shards fall flat again.

Darkness
Alluring,mysterious darkness,
it holds me enraptured
its presence is formless and elusive that it is felt
but cannot be captured
It does not paint the world in bright colours nor lend it any beauty
It pictures it plain and artless, like the truth that is bitter and painful
It leaves a sense of ambiguity,it does not reveal more than it has been asked
it beckons me,it keeps me at a distance
it touches me,but it does not envelop me
It puzzles me.
But when the lights are on,it is the intoxicating presence of the darkness
I miss.