Those of you familiar with the LCDPP comm will know about the fic Azu chan gave birth to and I adopted. It was THE fic of the comm which,Azu and I were reading again today. It unnerves me that I have written a part of this. I still cannot feel that I have written it and mainly,because of the character of Yamato Kaji. To be honest,I never intended to introduce him. I just wanted the name to be a reason why Aoi Kaji was dissatisfied with his family like all poor little rich boys are. And then Yamato Kaji,very like his character refused to be bound in the slot I had placed him. And then when I introduced him,I intended him to end up with Suzuka. And again,he defied me. The voice in my head said,"Me and Suzuka? Look at what you have written and see if that's honestly possible". I surrendered to his logic even though I named them in a way that hinted to people they are supposed to end up together.And now I have read the fic again, I am left wondering...who did I model it on? My initial introduction of him was very much influenced by how I thought of my old crush. The "Inferno" I was talking about.Yes,I thought I modeled it on him...and then the character kept going out of control.
I just noticed after my second re reading of the fic (apart from spelling errors),that Yamato was attracted to women who appeared to need him. The second time Pallavi re entered his life,she was his true worthy equal. Yet,he was attracted to Rei. Whether he loved her is still a mystery to me..and that is really open to interpretation :D. He was someone that defines the Shakespearean phrase,"Cruel to be kind"..or as I say, the kind hearted devil. My favorite paradox,the endearing hypocrisy ...didn't I romanticise him? He always does what he wanted. He cant help but hurt people he loves. He feels guilty but he can't do anything to stop it. He is unattainable. He can only belong 'with' someone. Not 'to' someone. Yes,I did.
Extroverted or introverted? He is deceptively extroverted but the company he enjoys the most is of himself. Maybe the vulnerabilities of the girls he was attracted to echoes his own vulnerabilities. He is artistic,and has almost a crude poetry about him. He is the type to sit alone on roofs and stare at the sky,thinking about something. He is intuitive,and that makes him interact with others easily,but he considers himself above the company. The extroverted loner. What a paradox again.
He is capable of cruelty, of course. He is capable of understanding where his mother's stiffness comes from,but as she denies him his air : freedom, he refuses to empathize. He can be callous to people who he thinks are worthy of his scorn. Like the case with Kai. (Although Kai deserved what he got). He reacts poorly to all people who try to control him or stop him from doing what he wants. He is vindictive,he never fails to hit the tender spot when he is around his parents,who also have feeble attempts at sarcasm around him.He won't lie down and take abuse.
He was an energy that forced things to happen and when he died,a lot of things settled down into much more calmer environment. Maybe I just wanted him to be a catalyst that starts up a chain of events ...especially in transformation of Rei. If he had lived,the story would have gotten more and more complicated...
Oh blah. I still haven't figured out who I really modeled him on. Maybe he was just an outgrowth of my psyche.
I may never know,but ,hey,I did enjoy the walk down the memory lane with Yamato Kaji. :D The fic brought a lot of us closer. ;)
Read the same book twice and it won't be the same :p
ReplyDeleteTime changes a lot ^_^
I'm sure you understand what I mean :p
Also, I believe that during your visit down memory lane [via the fic], you were able to read the story as a whole and hence were able to see the characters in each other's light :-? and their effects on the story :P
I believe that a writer never knows what he/she is really writing...it just comes. The pen/pencil [and in the keyboard's case, the hand]moves automatically and we are unaware of the true thoughts and ideas until they find their place on paper....well..that's what my mood says for now =_= :p
w.r.t. the last line : :D
Hey :-? The hand moves in all cases :-?
ReplyDeletebelieve that a writer never knows what he/she is really writing...it just comes---> how true. Most of the times when i wrote the fic,I was letting the fic take me where it wanted to go..I start writing with an intention and it grows to be something else entirely.And when I read it again,I am like,"I wrote this? o.O"
ReplyDeleteFor want of a better word, Bingo! ^_~ You edited it? :-/
ReplyDeletei haven't read the original fanfic but since this is a character synopsis, i think i can partake... :)
ReplyDelete"And then Yamato Kaji,very like his character refused to be bound in the slot I had placed him."....... reminds of how Thomas Harris said Hannibal Lecter wouldn't remain bounded within his limits and hence warranted 3 new books :)
"My favorite paradox,the endearing hypocrisy ...didn't I romanticise him? He always does what he wanted. He cant help but hurt people he loves. He feels guilty but he can't do anything to stop it. He is unattainable. He can only belong 'with' someone. Not 'to' someone."...... brilliantly put... its like some characters never listen to the author and as if have a mind of their own...
it seems Yamato Kaji has his own way of doing things, always... what he likes is the idea of a girl that's made for him and not any girl in specific... he's a romantic at heart yet in his entroverted nature, he tends to mask it a little... more like a shower of rain after a huge storm, calming everything down... if he is based on "inferno" then i would say i respect him a little now...
Well,to be piously honest I never thought of Yamato as a 'catalyst' or even a probable one. While everyone was in a state of baccano,flummoxed with their emotions,eying respite in fulfillment..he stood out and stood tall,personified himself as the 'most defining moment of truth'.I'll allegorize him as the tempest that neutralized the unsettling deadlock.And assigning him the task to upholster Rei's character sounds a bit over the edge. Rei as it seemed was never meant to bask in the spotlight,she came out as a doe-eyed,slaphappy,helpless,clueless and the 'whipping post' kind of character who seriously needed to get a grip of things. A 'figure' you can easily 'figure out'.One of those sacrificial,expendable scapegoats you come across in a prototypical harem.How do I put it.She makes me feel sorry for her,which is not appealing.She,to the best of my knowledge,was just conjured up for the plot,a tragic creature,always coming a cropper in the end.You can't really do anything for someone who is a 'victim' of circumstances and not the master.I'm not deriding her but she was way out of her depth for the entire rigmarole and the worst part is,when she realized it,it was but too late,or was it now,lol.It was for her own good..a green signal to start afresh.There is a fine line existing between 'Enlightenment' and 'Upliftment'. And Suzuka...lol,yah right,think again,or may be...READ again. Anyways,I remember telling aswati-chan once that Yamato's character made the fic what it is>Timeless.
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