I Remember...

There are some memories that trickle through like water,dissolving somewhere into your psyche. I am not sure I remember mine. They like to play hide and seek,giving me occasional glimpses.

I remember the salty air,the texture of the sand,the wind beside the sea. The grey,moody sky and the grey ocean. And how the night cleared the sky of clouds,the night of full moon,violent sounds of the black waves with glinting moonlight off the surface. I remember the lonely beach beside my father's office in Chennai,strewn with bushes and broken bottles but beautiful in its solitude that it offers.
I remember St. Mary's Island. I remember being too young to comprehend how fun it would have been if I had swum in that blue green water. I remember believing there were sharks in there. I remember the sun beating down on the beach,I remember the lemon rice they had served there. I remember going back to the mainline in a fishermen boat,the stench of fish,the way we had all sat on wooden boxes.
I remember the ride in the Hovercraft,and how I was glad to be back out of the craft and back to the shore. I remember being in a ship called Sarang,watching the deep green waters,and being scared of its depth. I remember the black rocks in a beach,and how the ocean sprayed into our faces. I remember sailing from Goa to Mumbai in a fancy boat,which I didn't enjoy much because of how nauseous I felt. I remember eating dosas and idli after watching the sunrise from Marina beach. I remember the buildings and the beaches in Pondicherry,I remember the drive there, i remember Kalpakkam. I remember that I miss the beach.

I remember the trek to Sita Nadi waterfall. I remember how excited I was,that I kept bouncing from one place to another. I remember how others had to use salt and hot water to get leeches off them. I remember the water of the waterfall dropped on me like bullets. I remember I tried to swim. I remember the quiet,undisturbed Hanuman Gundi. I remember the depth of the chilly water that left me shivering violently. I remember the peace the place exuded. I remember Kudremukh. I remember wishing that I would want a house in a peaceful place,away from all the noise. I remember looking at snakes crossing the road,how they slithered out of unexpected places. I remember seeing a cobra,thankfully,fleeing into the drain. I remember playing badminton in the morning. I remember the hut on top of the hill. I remember I could see the port of Manglore from up here. I remember the ice creams. I remember the kites soaring up on the sky,on the day of my birthday. I remember my sister had just learned to walk,however unsteadily. I remember her running after gooses,who scattered at her approach. I remember that my phobia of birds made me wish I was running away.

I remember the dry heat of Hyderabad. I remember buying Cheetos everyday to get Poke'mon tazos,I remember going to school in an army truck, I remember the school with its tiny classrooms,peeling walls and slippery stairs but with a grandeur that all old buildings have. I remember our neighbours, I remember a black dog that used to come to our house for a chappathi, I remember sitting on the compound walls and writing. I remember our neighbour's daughter who was so fond of my sister that she used to yell,"APPPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRNAAAAAAAAAA!!" from her house instead of using the doorbell. I remember when my sister first wore a uniform. I remember loving the room I had, I remember how the rain was beautiful to me only because it fell on an area with such dry heat. I remember staying inside,reading but reveling in the very sound of the rain. I remember my science teacher of 7th std,and how I scorned that woman from the very bottom of my heart. I remember my sanskrit teacher who was so enthusiastic about her subject that one could expect her to imitate the flapping of the bird's wings. I remember playing hockey. Or running after the ball,you could call it.

I remember the frivolous parties,and I remember how I hate them. I remember spending my time in company of people who I don't respect nor whose opinions I care about. I remember that there were only few girls in Coast guard who I considered my friends...Sheetal. We are friends since the diapers. She still has the same laugh she had when I asked my mother for water in Malyalam. That is probably the first time I met her. She hasn't changed over the years. She is still the same...the fair minded,non judgmental,gentle Sheetal. We didn't have much in common,we didn't have much to talk about. We just sat together,without saying much,without needing to say much. We would watch TV,go to watch movies, we would dance and we would smile. She is one of the few people who command my respect with her personality. Then there is Shilpi! What to say about Shilpi,she was a firecracker...I remember gossiping with her on her terrace, she is the only one who I turned to for girly chatter, for secrets, for problems she handled with maturity and compassion. The one I could be a chatterbox with. I really miss those two. I remember them as girls who are my only solace in the crowd of Coast Guard.

I will remember the swelling of hope. I will remember the giddy laughter. I will remember being terrified feeling the change. I will remember walking back home after buying paneer and watching the sky change colours. I will remember my dance practices,the day of roaming around in Lajpat Nagar, sleeping in my friend's PG,doing assignments together and walking in the park.I will remember our dance show,I will remember that after the show,I adore the song "Aahun Aahun". I will remember that I trust friends I have never met far more than people and acquaintances I meet everyday . I will remember that they were who I was. They are who I am.

These are some strangely special memories I want to remember. That I am terrified to forget.