Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Offer letters : Convos with Reej

Reej : well, i'm supposed to get a revised offer letter from infy
Reej: which i haven't got yet
Reej: i'm ringing them up but getting a busy tone
Me : accost ur postman >.>
Reej : no no
Me : email?
Reej : we're supposed to get it by e-mail
Reej : yeah
Me : maybe they missed sending it to u by mistake ( ur answer: there she goes with never thought before answer >.>)
Reej : :))
Reej : good call
Reej : thats exactly what i was thinking
Reej : this is the one time idial the fresher's helpline
Reej : and what does that get me??
Reej : :|
Me : and they don pick up
Me : busy busy busy
Reej : well, its not that they're not picking up
Reej : i always get a busy tone
Reej : L-)
Me : what are they trying to prove? (childish mode)
Reej : that i'm not a valued emplyee (super childish mode)
 Me : (religious mode) God loves mess
Reej: (agnostic mode) like He's give a damn
Me : (Spike Spiegal mode) Whatever happens,happens
Reej : (Vicious mode) i want retribution!! :-W
Me: (Inu Yasha mode) TETSUSAIGAAAA!!! OFFER LETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reej : (Sesshoumaru mode) give me or face my wrath .
Me : (Ban Midou mode) * uses Evil Eye* Now ^_^. The offer letter or my pleasant dreams. You choose?
Reej : (Jackal mode) *scalpels come out of hands* maybe the bloody rain will suffice ^_^
Me : (Faye Valentine mode) You know the first rule in offer letters? Send them before I shoot you
Reej : (cowboy bebop dog mode) *angry* woof woof!!! >.<

Fuzaanki Rimudo/ Wind Demon Rimudo


"Have you.. ever seen hell? I have seen what it is like. I have stepped over a 1000 bodies. What if I tell you I went through all that because I was born as a Celestial Warrior?"

"A lot of people have reasons behind what they do. They probably think its the only way they can survive. I don't think thats wrong."

"My father has been after my life ever since he heard the prophecy that I would grow up to kill him. I'll do him a favor, and make the prophecy real!"

"These people do not need a Priestess or a Celestial Warrior. They only want a warm meal, a bed, and smiles of their family. No one wishes for a Priestess. "

"People tend to repress the memories they find most painful."

"Do you want to be number 1001 of the people I have killed?"

"Thats a child's bounty!"- about the bounty put on him.


Pinnacle of character development in Fushigi Yuugi Genbu Kaiden.  The conflicted male lead set up to be ruined by his hatred of his father or love for a woman who has forced him to accept a destiny he never wanted.
I can't wait for the end of this manga series simply because I am very curious about what happens to him. Not many characters go from outlaw to spy to guardian to lover to the Emperor, but he does. XD One of the most interesting male leads of Yuu Watase, although Toya of Ayashi No Ceres would count as the most hunky one.

A huge post on selective reading and missing the point entirely

*another Harry Potter post, deal with it. :P 

I shall focus on, by this post, the character of Snape and how brilliant the canon Snape is as opposed to the romanticised, victimised version of Snape I have read on the internet. To which I shall say : Really?
[ I will address the Marauders also, they shouldn't be glorified or villified either because if you do, you are missing the point entirely].

I blame the assumption of romantcisied and victimised version of Snape due to movie and their persistent whitewashing of Snape's guilt in the Potters' death. [ To be fair, they have whitewashed Sirius' guilt in it as well, because of the lack of inclusion of whole Fidelius charm bit. Thats a crying shame because both Snape and Sirius are marvellous characters in the book].  We'll begin at the beginning, shall we? The two things Snape's character seems to scream for is control and respect  [In the Goblet of Fire, Snape is offended that Moody was given permission to search his office, and even more offended by the idea Dumbledore might have given Moody a free pass to do so]. He has little use for love and affection (I dont think Snape will ever admit he needs that), given the way he is as an emotionally stunted, vindictive man but he needs respect and control, given his derision that Harry can't control his emotions during Occlumency lessons. [  I can practically hear him sneering, "How very like your father you are, Potter. He too, lacked the subtleity and opted to be brash and mediocre. Reasonable talent in Quiddicth field and set of admirers made him strut around the castle, in fact his head was so large, he would be very disappointed he does not have a scar to wear like a crown like you do."].

Little Snape wearing overlarge clothes watching Lily and Petunia. This serves as an identification for Harry who is watching the memories, and who better than Harry to understand what it is like to wear hand me downs? It is implied in text that Snape's parents largely are in an abusive relationship, living in industrial parts town, so clearly, poor. We have quite enough reasons to feel sorry for him. But note, along with this, little Snape was not a fluffy bunny who was sad and baw aww and shit. He retaliated when he was insulted. As it was the case with Petunia, who made a jibe about his clothes, the tree branch fell on her. Lily, who feels rejected by her sister, Snape does not comfort her by saying "your sister is resentful and jealous wench. ", he says, "She is only a Muggle". Yeah, little Snape the bigot [his experience with his father factors in here, but there is a difference between understanding where he comes from and excusing it entirely]. Although he does successfully cheer Lily up by mentioning Hogwarts. [the dysfunctional friendship Lily and Snape share, man. I love it to pieces because there is just so many possibilities. It is, at this stage, one step forward and two steps back kind of thing]. Now, enter James Potter, the loved and adored son, pureblood, privileged in every sense of way and Sirius Black, the rebellious pureblood outcast with his baggage load of issues. They both are wealthy, arrogant, privileged little shits and the narrative distances itself from them and identifies with Snape, as Harry does, because Harry at 11 is insecure, happy to be leaving a home he hated, much like Snape. The difference between Harry and Snape at 11 is, Harry recognizes that apart from the Durseleys, other Muggles aren't quite as bad. Snape only makes an exception for Lily, not only because she is possibly the first friend he has but also, because, she has "loads of magic". Snape craves a certain companionship, again, like Harry, who is quick to make friends with Ron, because, "he didn't have much people to share food with, and corned beef sandwiches lay forgotten". [ aww 11 year old harry. so adorable].. James, with his "who wants to be in slytherin?" [ apparently a parallel to Draco Malfoy's sentiment to Hufflepuff. Rofl. While I think it is one,  I don't see James = Draco in terms of personality any more than Harry = Snape.  I'll get to that too, but the main difference is however sorry you feel for Draco, he is a coward. James on the other hand, has freaking balls of steel.]

James tries to trip Snape as he passes and the name Snivellus for Snape is born, and thus, rivalry and bad blood and bullying all that happens. I have a problem with people excusing James and Sirius for their bullying as well. Don't excuse it as "oh they are teenagers and didn't know better" and all that shit. They are arrogant pricks, Sirius recognises this when he tells Harry  in order of Phoneix. I doubt they really cared who they were hurting at that point, because as Lily pointed out, James hexed anyone who annoyed just because he can. No character is static or stunted, they have grown and evolved and changed. As is the case with Albus Dumbledore. Rowling's point is no man is truly perfect, and it is our choices that define who we are. [ Except Harry Potter, who I tend to love more when he is imperfect :p]. So lets continue with the deconstruction of Snape, shall we? Before we get to the Mudblood incident, Lily is sorted to Gryffindor, and she demonstres loyalty to Snape by turning away from Sirius who offered her a seat beside him. [ booyah to people who say Lily isn't a good friend]. Snape is sorted to Slytherin, and sits beside Lucius Malfoy who is apparently a prefect. [ So there goes, 'no friends' theory shot to hell guys, because it is implied, several times in canon, that Snape was good friends with Lucius ( Dolores Umbridge mentions Lucius speaks highly of him, Narcissa turned to Snape for the protection of her son, Sirius taunts Snape about being Lucius's lapdog)and several other people who were impressed with Snape's affinity to Dark Arts. Take a note of people Sirius mentions in Goblet of Fire Snape hung out with. Although take some with a grain of salt, because Sirius generally struggles to be fair in his view of Snape :P].

Next, of course, we see Snape arguing with Lily where she tells him, she dislikes his friends and cannot fathom why he hangs out with them. Snape dismisses her concerns about Mulciber's attack of an innocent girl as a "laugh" when it was clearly dark magic and turns it around on her [oh boy] about baw aww Marauder are not as wonderful as people think they are. Yeah, no shit, Snape. But as Lily points out, "What has Potter got to do with anything?"- because, it has nothing to do with discussion at hand, which is about Snape's choice of friends, and he directs the conversation away from them because he cannot deal with it. [ The real tragedy of Snape's character is his delusion, how he expected to have both Lily and Mulciber in his life when those wants are opposite ends of a political spectrum is beyond me. Oh, the tangled web we weave.] Second, and more troubling aspect of his character, is that by this conversation, he knows Lupin is a werewolf, having encountered it thanks to Sirius. [ oh Sirius you messed up boy, you will get a post of your own soon] he tries to bring Lily's attention to the fact that Lupin is a werewolf, when he was forbidden to speak of it. Now, keep in mind how werewolves are looked upon in the wizarding society, they are basically looked upon as animals who have not been educated, will not be permitted to get jobs, just because of the stigma associated with them. Dumbledore has basically snuck in a werewolf to Hogwarts with certain precautions, and there is a reason why it is a secret. Snape's motivation here is revenge, he is, as Lupin and Sirius say in POA, "sneaking around, trying to get them expelled." I don't see it as that much of a problem that he is trying to get Sirius and James expelled, the animosity between them  is something else entirely. But Lupin? Granted,he does not stop Sirius and James from bullying Snape, but does he really deserve to be thrown out of school and shunned by the society, for merely, as Lupin says, a schoolboy grudge? He is, in effect, seen as a sub human, a societal dreg, if you please, what Snape is doing here, not only harbouring prejudices against werewolf, but he would have ruined Lupin's life at that point. Which he does in POA, after Sirius escapes. He "lets a slip" that Lupin is a werewolf at breakfast after his revenge for Lily's death and against Sirius is thwarted. Really, I find it astonishing how often there is lapse of memory to see how vindictive Snape is. He kept his word to Dumbledore in youth,while offering tantalising hints to what Lupin is, but by POA,he lost it. [he sets the kids an essay so that they recognise Lupin's symptoms. Oh god, Snape-.-].
We'll get to the The Prank. Sirius, you mindless, goddamn vicious bastard. He deserved it? What the hell man, you are an adult. You sent Snape on the path to meet a werewolf face to face, and while i do think since James mopped up the mess and nothing happened that adds to your dismissal of the Prank but seriously. You are goddamn mess, Sirius Black.  {okay why am I talking as if he is real person-.-]. Here, two points- James wasn't involved in the Prank, Sirius was. He has no reason to run after Snape and pull him back, apart from basic humanity and being a great friend to Sirius and Remus. I don't pat him on the back for not being a bigot but I do pat him on the back for this, he saved Snape in his human form while Remus is transformed. This is what I mean by having balls of freaking steel, fandom can call James an arrogant bullying toerag all they want, but disregarding the fact that he was an extremely brave man is pity. Disregarding the fact he is a great friend is also a pity. Here is where I have a problem with Sirius and james as seen in fandom. Given their background, they accepted Remus when most of the wizarding world shuns them. Forget accept, James maintained, like Harry, the Remus is normal.. and just has a furry little problem. They didn't just spend hours to study being an Animagus. They spent better part of three years to be one. They did that out of loyalty to Lupin, so that it makes his transformations bearable. Of course, the danger and challenge involved in it is also appealing to people like James and Sirius, but that is not their primary motivation. They are, essentially, breaking the law. So yeah, even though what we get from James in canon are from Snape's memories, and lot of it is gleaned from his friends and teacher's impressions of him, this is a verified fact.
 Anyway, so lets get back to Snape again. Here I shall point out another aspect of snape I missed while reading prince's Tale. He reacts badly when  Lily points out he is being highly ungrateful James saved his life. [ Lol, Lily. I bet the fact that made Snape angrier and more humiliated is the fact James saved his life. That incident will serve to make him hate James more]. Snape says, "Saved? Saved? You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his own skin and his friend's too! I'm not going to let you-" and Lily responds with, "let me, let me?"
Yeah, he has got control issues as well, coming from the way at his house. He is unconsciously imitating his father. [ hook nosed man shouting at a cowering woman] Lily, of course, doesn't take his shit. Yes, women everywhere, this is exactly how you are saying you want to be loved like after DH2. If this doesn't prove my point. Maybe you should take a look at adult Snape weeping at Grimmauld Place taking the letter that contained Lily's love, and the half of her photo. [grief, delusion, disregard of her choices, and hell, that is not normal or healthy]. 
After this, lets get to the Snape Worst Memory, people who justify James and Sirius here, should make note that Pensieve is a neutral object. So while it is Snape's memory, James and Sirius are bad as they are shown at that stage. Since we got that out of the way, lets get to Snape, humiliated, using an early version/weaker version of Sectumsempra on James. [ Really, does anyone doubt that Sectumsempra - for enemies note made in the Half Blood Prince textbook is clearly a spell intended to be used on James?], Lily comes in, she defends him, James asks her out, Lily tells him he can stuff it, and she gets her own wand out to defend Snape against these pricks. The moment Snape is released from the spell, and James says it is lucky he has Lily to defend him (i think James meant it as a taunt), Snape says he doesn't need help from "filthy little mudbloods like her". Snape has been humiliated and he is trying to assert the power and control of the situation he has been humiliated in by calling a girl who defended him a racial epithet. By calling his best friend a filthy little mudblood. [ akin to "dirty little Jew", if you want an obvious parallel] No, it is not a "name", man. Even though it was a slip, it is clear the inherent bigotry is there, and he treats his best friend (usually) as a sort of exception to people he generally considers sub-human, inferior. With that word, he is asserting his superiority by worth of his blood. In many ways, he does not respect Lily's choices, given his contempt of people she loves as seen later in his life.
 Next to the scene, where Lily tells him the damage is done. It is clear by this scene, that it was a straw that broke the camel's back. Lily is tired of making excuses for him, for his racism, for his trigger happiness to join Voldemort's cause along with rest of the Death Eaters, and most of all, she is tired of making excuses to herself that this was something she could bring him back from. She says that he calls everyone of her birth Mudblood, and she shouldn't be any different. Take her word for it, peeps. He has called other people Mudblood and she still stood by him, it was when it was directed at her, she realised she had to wake up and smell the coffee, so to speak. [can't call Lily Evans a Mary Sue either, because of this :P..]
 Next I'll address the case of seventh year Severus, where Lupin and Sirius inform us, "that he never lost the opportunity to curse James, you don't expect james to take that lying down?" does not mean omg!James was still sekretly a bully! It means, at that point, James and Severus's dynamic is filled with mutual antagonism, and it is not the case of bully-victim anymore. Just two boys who hate each other's guts. [This is confirmed by Dumbledore in Philosopher's Stone, "Not unlike Mr. Malfoy and yourself", he said.].Of course the fact Lily starts going out with James factors into this.
 So now, next we come to Snape begging Dumbledore to hide the Potters. Dumbledore [what a shrewd calculating old man, you are, Dumbles] points out that surely Snape would have asked him to spare her, life of a woman in exchange for the child. And Snape replies truthfully that he has asked him. Uh Snape, i can understand, to an extent why you wouldn't mind James dead [ a little telling about the fact Snape probably has killed people in his service to the Dark Lord.] but the baby of the woman you claim to love? Do you not know her at all? You won't care about the fact the Voldemort is literally pointing a gun at the head of an infant? Jesus -___-. Dumbledore calls him out on this, and yes, people, it is pretty disgusting. And this is a HUGE turning point for Snape, this is where, while he may not be good, he tries to do so for his own reason..as an act of remorse. [The whole theme of the Deathly Hallows book is remorse. ]
 It must be said, that Dumbledore's manipulation to get desired results, it shows his innate understanding of how people work and man, he used Harry and Snape's character to trap them both.  I think his skill of understanding people also comes with his heightened self awareness after his sister's death. Now the second part of this is how Snape, comes to his own, becomes a better man for selfish reasons and still displays dichotomy of character. I'll go further on how Snape has evolved with his association with Dumbledore but that deserves an another post. :) [ Which I will write someday]
So give one of the most complex character Rowling created some credit, lets not wash him down or romanticise him into something he was not. He was a genius and delusional, his life is extremely sad, misguided and cannot seem to do it right when it comes to the woman he loves, he is a bully but he is also extremely brave and loyal to a memory. And he earns his redemption.







Monday, November 28, 2011

Beavs and I talk Harry Potter



Me : What did you think of the last movie? You know, I kind of liked Harry and Voldy's confrontation in the book more. Even if it was all circling and talking. The thing is, the point of that dialogue was, Harry was standing upto Voldy the way no one has, you know Harry is the superior one, the one with the upper hand..I mean, little Harry Potter, taunting Voldemort! And it was happening in front of everyone, so Voldy cannot lie and change events even if he survived. Maybe I am too used to Bollywood, because I kind of wanted Harry to throw it in Voldy's face that he is the Master of the Elder Wand. I think he just hints it.

Beavs: I think it was depicted well, because it is not about power to Harry. It is not about winning the Elder Wand, but more like, doing what's right. Plus both Ralph Fiennes and Dan's expressions make up for it. The way Harry says, "Its mine" as if its no big deal that he has the world's most powerful wand, shows a lot about Harry's strength as a character.

Me : There was one thing I thought was a good script decision, Voldy manhandling Harry. Kicking him around like a schoolyard bully. It dawns on you that Harry is a boy. He is 17, so a grown man kicking a boy around..is ..cringe worthy. Also, the subtext looks like "Magic has failed to kill you, magic has failed me, physical violence would have to do!"

Beavs : Harry Potter has nine lives.
~
Me : You know what annoys me the most? Selective reading and reading too much into it. Did you see that post on FB where a teacher takes too many meanings out of "The curtains were blue" about how it must be an allegory of the state of depression and yadda yadda? And what author probably meant was - "The curtains were f****ng blue!". So when the text and author says, "James Potter grew up." It means just that. He was a bully, no one is condoning his actions towards Snape, but he grew up, defied Lord Voldie three times, was an invaluable member of Order of Phoenix, and was a very good person. Why else would Lily marry him? The Prince's Tale is not to show James in a bad light but to give Snape a new dimension, and a redemption. It goes along with the theme as Dumbledore said, "Its our choices that show who we are, far more than our abilities"

Beavs : Yeah the only thing I didn't like was he picked on Snape, without provocation at first. That scene in the train? Otherwise I like him. Very Gryffindor-y. Although his death is very anti climatic- gives a jerk to the image of James Potter who is fearless. He runs to the hall, sees Voldie without his wand, asks his wife to run, and Voldie kills him. And Lily still didn't Disapparate with Harry!

Me : It is probably panic and shock. Her husband just died.

Beavs : Yeah but still. I have seen mothers do pretty much anything when their babies are threatened. But then again, the desperation works, and thats how story is written. So. But how the entire death is written is sad-like how its a happy family before Voldie creeped in.

Me : Btw, I like the actor who plays James Potter say this line during the Ressurection Stone scene " Until the end"- so proud that his son walking to his death is going to save the world. Fits with the description Voldy gave us of him back in books, "Straight backed and proud". The stag, if you will.  Its interesting his patronus is a stag and Lily's a doe and then Snape's doe because he loves and 'remembers' Lily as his happy thought? I always wondered what Snape was thinking during the Silver doe chapter. He is sending a doe to the owner of a stag patronus :P

Beavs : whoa whoa, I bet even JKR didn't think that much! You know I always thought a lot of Snape's love for Lily comes from his admiration of her "goodness". That she is strong and can stand up for herself.

Me : yeah a bit of wishing he had those qualities? The dichotomy of Snape makes him one of the most intriguing characters of HP verse. I like the parallels JKR draws with Harry, Snape and Voldy, the abandoned boys.

Beavs : I never did get Voldy being eeevil. Dude, I understand you are an orphan living in orphanage but jesus, Harry has had it worse than you and he turned out okay!

Me : You know, I read somewhere about that. About how Voldemort came from a loveless union. Tom Riddle was under Amortentia that Merope Gaunt gave him ne? Poetry in smallest of places.

Beavs : Yeah, so Voldemort came from a woman with an infatuation and a man who didn't know what he was doing!

Me : That gives this such wrong image in my head! LOL! Speaking of poetry in smallest of places -Harry learnt Expelliarmus from Snape! Remember Duelling club , Snape disarms Lockhart?

Beavs : Poetry!

Me : Poetry! Although to add to the loveless union thing, Voldie's mom didn't stay alive to raise him. She chose to die. His father abandoned him, his mother chose to die, whereas Harry's parents were ripped from the situation not because they chose to abandon him. They died to save him, so Harry knows he is loved by them. He doesn't know all this until he is 11, so you do make a good point :D.. you know the only gripe I would have with the last movie, is that people thought Snape is Harry's father because both he and Lily say "Always".

Beavs : God! Seriously? how on earth do you end up thinking that?

Me : I know!! The dialogue is a nice echo! Thats it people! I did love Gary Oldman's delivery of "Quicker than falling asleep"..that voice! You know when he was first cast, he is not the Sirius with dark good looks I imagined.

Beavs : Gary Oldman is an acquired taste. He gets the character right.. the unpredictability and the tragedy of Sirius, you know? So if they had cast a good looking actor for Sirius, he might not have got the essence right. Like, that scene where Sirius orders Kreacher out in the movie. He walks with such aristocratic arrogance. Thats how Sirius should walk.. and I love the hug between him and Dan. Felt real.

Me : yeah I love the scene where he and Alan Rickman spar off in Prisoner of Azkaban [ Why don't you go and play with your chemistry set? ]. Alan Rickman brings a sophistication and dignity to Snape, doesn't he? Snape is nastier in the books.

Beavs : he and Helena Bonham Carter bring an extra element to their characters. Helena brings such madness to Bellatrix which isn't there in the books- the lunacy is a little toned down in the books, isn't it?

Me : yeah, and also there is an element of cruelty in Sirius. Which a lot of people gloss over. The Shrieking Shack joke? Since Snape was so desperate to find out what they were upto and get them expelled, Sirius thought it was amusing to actually tell Snape how to get in there and watch his friend transform? Although, Sirius such a tragic figure. But JKR said, the most good looking and the most dangerous of all of the Marauders. Really adds to the sexy bad boy appeal. [ we women are such suckers for fictional bad boys]

Beavs : Yeah. A bad home life, a bad life after Hogwarts. He was only happy in his Hogwarts days as a part of the Marauders.

Me : You know what is really admirable about Sirius to me? The fact he was raised to believe the nonsensical pureblood superiority and he rejects the ideals of the environment he was brought up in. That shows how intelligent he was. Thats admirable. His brother by contrast, bought into it and understood things way too late. Thats the tragedy of people who are seduced by the Dark side and once they are in it, the reality of it scares them.

Beavs : I don't get how Sirius didn't have a girlfriend.

Me : Maybe he was a womaniser.

Beavs : But in the Snape's memory chapter, Sirius doesn't even notice girls paying attention to him. Its James who keeps looking around for Lily.

Me : maybe he just didn't care. Ah well.
~
we had covered a lot, lot more topics but it got deleted and I am too pissed about it to start remembering what our conversation entailed. [ Believe me, one of the best Harry Potter discussions I had in a while].

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Soundtrack : It is What It is ~ Lifehouse

She had come back home.

A little taller than I expected, an awareness in her eyes that told me she grew up far much more than I would have liked.I had grown accustomed to her small face, hair like cotton wool, and eyes that held the world in wonderment.

She was back home, yet I noticed a hesitation, a caution in her demeanor that I never saw before. I never thought of her as self possessed. I remember the toothy grin, the tantrums, vicious demands. And here I was, looking at not a child, but a woman smiling serenely from across the table.

"This doesn't look like home anymore" she said softly, taking in the streets outside with a hint of distaste.

This irritated me.

"Of course it doesn't. Do you expect it to be the same, unchanged place as it waits for you to come back?" I snapped.

She half smiled, in a calm, intimidating way, "No, of course not."

There was a silence, and coffee was brought to our table. She stirred her coffee listlessly, not particularly bothered by lack of conversation.

I was uncomfortable.

"You moved out, didnt you? I heard" she said, without looking up. I was surprised by the topic she chose to bring up. A small town such as this, gossip was inevitable. I wasn't surprised she heard, but I generally supposed she had the tact to not bring it up. My moving out isn't particularly a rosy issue that I wanted to expound on.

"Yeah, I did" I said, wondering how long this uncomfortable charade of a conversation was going to go on. I felt terrible for thinking this about a person I shared my childhood with, but I cant pretend it hasn't changed. She was someone else, wearing my friend's face, difficult to recognise because of her perpetually cheerful face was replaced with a restrained demeanour that bordered on coldness.

"Do you go back and see the house from time to time? After all, it is your old house" Her dark eyes were on my face, watching my face intently. I don't know what she saw on my face, but she started smiling, smiling the way I remembered. An understanding, a sweetness and a knowing smirk.

"No, I don't go back. I don't want to. I don't want to see what my parents have done with my room once I left. Probably using it as a store room or something" I said, stiffly.

"Don't like the idea someone of changing things in your room from how you remembered them?" she prodded and finally, I understood.

She noticed my expression, and grinned, the same toothy grin, marred slightly by her intelligence as opposed to innocence in her eyes, and said "So..are we really that different?"

~
P.S- I wrote cos I was bored and because I hadn't written anything in a while, please don't look for glimmers of brilliance. Yadda Yadda. :D








Monday, March 7, 2011

The One I wrote to escape my writer's bloc :P

Worked to the skin and bone,
wind tangled hair and dirt caked flesh
heat had taken away skin's tone,
veins glaciated at loss of a dream.

Dream are, after all, for closed eyelids,
pain, however is in the mind.
Body worked to exhume every ounce of feeling,
will they escape their time?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

The Little Mermaid


Tragic little mermaid,
Don't you see?
When his blood soaks the skin of your feet,
You will be a mermaid once more,
ripping through the Great Sea
reclaiming the life you spurned
in favor of love of a human
and gaining an eternal soul.


Little mermaid,
why do you hesitate?
Why does the face of the sleeping Prince affect you so?
Is it that you remember that he tried to understand
the pain behind your smile
as you danced for him on your fragile feet ?
Raise that knife.
Steady your trembling hands
let your knife catch the glint
of the rising sun.


Forlorn little mermaid,
a fool for love.
To escape the despair she felt
when she heard the Prince whisper his bride's name in his sleep,
she threw her knife into the sea and dived in,
turning blithely into foam.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Paulo Coelho-ing


1)Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.
2)“I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now.”
3)“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it"
4)"When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself."

5)"A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires."

6)"Love is not a habit, a commitment, or a debt. It isn't what romantic songs tell us it is - love simply is."
7)"Certain things in life simply have to be experienced -and never explained. Love is such a thing."


Lets Go Anywhere :D

When I learnt driving this year, ( and scared my instructor with my affinity for accelerators and fourth gears) I always thought driving was more fun than being driven around [I maintain,driving in highways gives me a high. My mission in life : drive along the sea. Road to Kalpakkam, or Port Blair or Marine drive]. Well, to amend, I like being driven around in jeeps. Open jeeps. Gives a safari feeling,doesn't it? And the places I went to in open jeeps, remote corners of jungles and middle of nowhere in deserts. Is it a wonder I have fallen in love with this vehicle? It takes me places.:D

Desert Night -The skies were never ending, inky black with thousands of stars when the jeep started climbing the desert. Desert for miles at end, a feeling you have entered a globe, or a live planetarium that tells you are in the beginning of time? I never felt so overwhelmed...or tiny. I was staring up at the open roof at the skies and then it was time to get down. The sand was cold! [ yeah, we all removed our shoes just once,to walk and see how the sand felt]. And it was pitch black. We were grabbing for each other's hands, and wondering which one is which, and went further in the desert to get our bonfire lit. Once the bonfire was lit, and everyone's faces were finally visible. We huddled up in blankets enduring the desert chill, sat on rugs, stared at the bonfire and the skies, drank up [hey,it helps the cold. *shrugs*], ate our dinner. We heard jackals howling in the distance, till then I was sure I was listening to the silence. [ yeah,you heard me.That's exactly what I mean]. Oh,and our guide told us 50 km to the west was Pakistan border. I would have loved to have seen that.
When it was time to go, the jeep had come for us again. We chased long eared rabbit, apparently only seen around there.
Its fast!
And as we got down the desert,it got considerably warmer, the magic was wearing off, and we got off the jeep, it was time to close the bottle.

The evening on Jim Corbett- Granted, we only saw paw prints [but they were fresh!], back of a wild boar scurrying to the deeper part of the forest, a herd of spotted deers, and not a whisker of a tiger, I still loved the jungle ride. Firstly, jeep rides are lot more fun standing up and you can feel like Superman because of the wind 'whoosh-ing' past your cheek. And you are snaking your way into the jungle,where it is eerily quiet. Even the birds had stopped calling. It made me feel they were watching us, and were aware of our presence. [ How could they not? with the amount of noise made.I'm surprised they didn't come out and ask everyone to shut up] But the trees, the river, the sunset between the green, and the moonlit night in the thicket of the jungle. I was surprised my imagination didn't go into overdrive and start imagining a Woman in White asking for lifts. The evening got colder and colder, and I was hammered into my seat, both hands in my pocket, and hoping I would not fall out of the jeep since I was sitting on the side or because our driver went crazy on the wheel.
Have I mentioned how tall the trees were? It made you feel claustrophobic and free at the same time. Especially in the night.

Getting back to the city after all that was strange. :D


So, Jeeps are officially my favorite form of transport. The can take you anywhere,nowhere,everywhere.They are a lot more fun.
And why don't tigers attack jeeps? Apparently, it looks like a bigger,but not edible,beast.
Lmao.

PS- being driven around is only fun when a hot guy in his sleek, sexy car takes you around. And he plays old rock and roll songs in the car. ;) or maybe just bike rides?

PPS- I'm still not confident about my driving,so if you ever risk sitting with me,make sure you are insured. :D

<3>

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Take it slow this time, will ya?

I never thought of myself as sentimental, ( or maybe I have a hard time admitting I am?) so it becomes quite a discovery when I hold onto old stuff that have long gone. Old friendships, yeah the ones you think can last forever, are disintegrating right in front of my eyes and I am trying to hold on too tight, like a jealous guard of a treasure chest. My old notebooks, diaries,drawings, magazines, notes I used to pass my friends, even blank papers which I saved from my schoolbooks because they weren't used, are lying dusty underneath the old table which we got as a hand me down in Chennai. Honestly, my mother has been after my life asking me to sort them out, throw the useless ones away or at least dust them. :P
But I can't. I can't decide what I don't want, I want to keep them all. ( greedy? :D) Likewise, distance and time puts dust on a lot of relationships I'd rather keep on the shelf, than accept things as they are and clear them out. Relationships are trickier than memories, I have learnt. You just can't neglect the growing dust. And this year, I saw a lot of it.
And that weren't the only things changing. My life was changing, I discovered my love for travelling. ( I have been travelling my whole life and I realise I can't give it up only after I walk into the main city of Jaiselmer and look at the golden houses. -.- too late for epiphanies,dont you think?) And along with adrenaline-rush experiences come car accidents,jeep-tilting,creepy isolated villages, disastrous reunions, much anticipated meetings that don't happen and sacrileges in jungles. [ I'll make a list of things I can't forget later :p]
So 2011, take it slow,will ya? I had one hell of a year and I'd like a quiet pace of life back for sometime please.
Oh,on my birthday that is just days away now, I'd like to know what i want on that day. (another clearing head session needed) For planning purposes,you see. :D

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Eowyn


"What do you fear, my lady?"

"A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire."



I understand that too well :D I fear am already in one though.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Me fav sequence :D The real folk blues



Faye : Where are you goin'? Why are you goin'?
Spike :...........
Faye : you told me once to forget the past. That it didn't matter. But you are the one still tied to the past Spike!
Spike :Look at these eyes,Faye.One of them is a fake,because I lost it in an accident. Since then, I have seen the past in one eye, and the present in the other. I thought I saw patches of reality,never the whole picture..

Faye : Don't tell me the things like that. You have never told me about your past so don't tell me now.
Spike :I thought I was I watching a dream that I could never wake from. Before I knew it, the dream was over..
Faye : My memory...returned. But,nothing good came of it...there was no place I could return to. This was the only place I could go....and now,you are leaving,just like that!
Why do you have to go? Where are you going? What are you going to do...just throw your life away like it was nothing?
Spike : I am not going there to die...I am going to find out if I am really alive,I have to do this,Faye.
(Spike walks away)
(Faye points the gun at his back...but then she raises it up and fires shots into the air)
(Spike walks away)


~me and Amy agreed we relate to fay here the best :D and is one of our fav sequences in bebop,second only to Ballad of Fallen Angels ~

~ * ~



Your time moves in such a gentle,unhurried pace,
it touches like the soothing ebb and flow of a tide,
bring back things that I had once lost.

Your time blows like wind by the sea shore,
the one that holds a distinct flavor,
blows with vigor and yet gently caresses the cheek.

Your time calms with its timelessness,
like the foam of the ocean that washes the feet,
pleasant and healing.

Your time has been a precious gift,
moving like a dream that doesn't intend to end,
moving at different pace than the outside world.

This time is what I want to savour,
however,little it is,
drink this till the last drop
and see whether am still insatiable.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Untitled :D



If my own feelings were a disillusion,
an Achilles heel in my armor,
who would betray my own self,
I would have chosen my hate over my love.

The blood from this betrayal would seep and soak the ground,
it will enamor its flavor onto the earth,
and this ground will reek of malice.

Love will bring life to this clay doll I have now become?
I am certain anger would suffice.


~O~

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A memento for one of my fav movies : MEMENTO

Quotes by Leornard Shelby: (Guy Pearce; he did brilliant in this movie <3)

1) Memory can change the shape of a room; it can change the color of a car. And memories can be distorted. They're just an interpretation, they're not a record, and they're irrelevant if you have the facts. [couldn't have put it better myself]

2)I have to believe in a world outside my own mind. I have to believe that my actions still have meaning, even if I can't remember them. I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world's still there. Do I believe the world's still there? Is it still out there? … Yeah. We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are. I'm no different … now … where was I? [nice end. A moment of self knowledge and self realisation..and that memory wiped clean once again. Really,are we so sure that this guy is different from us?]

3) I don't even know how long she's been gone. It's like I've woken up in bed and she's not here … because she's gone to the bathroom or something. But somehow, I know she's never gonna come back to bed. If I could just … reach over and touch … her side of the bed, I would know that it was cold, but I can't. I know I can't have her back … but I don't want to wake up in the morning, thinking she's still here. I lie here not knowing … how long I've been alone. So how … how can I heal? How am I supposed to heal if I can't … feel time? [ this line hits me whenever it comes in the movie..the lines are painful on paper themselves.]

4) There are things you know for sure.I know what that's going to sound like when I knock on it. I know that's what going to feel like when I pick it up. See? Certainties. It's the kind of memory that you take for granted. [Touche']


"So you lie to yourself to be happy. There's nothing wrong with that. We all do it."-Teddy Gammell.

Leonard Shelby: I don't think they'd let someone like me carry a gun.
Teddy: I f---ing hope not. [ me : lmao]

Ballad of the Undead




Revive me from the dead,
I'm searching for the strength to get up from this paralysis.
Don't tell me this search is futile,
that I am nothing but an empty corpse,
that once this dagger had struck,
my recesses have left me in this lurch.

Will I be able to get up,
from the ashes of my vicious will?
Do I have to haunt the night,
to experience the sad joy of being alive?
This cold emptiness would drive me insane.
Oh, won't you give me a reason?

Dig up these graves and open this coffin,
give me a purpose for the midnight prowl.
Don't tell me it is futile,
that this search is endless,
that I am nothing but a shell.

Let me lie to myself,
that I am still alive.
That I am still breathing.
That I have something to hold onto.
That I can get up from this slumber,
and awaken into my life.


Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Life inside a Pandora's Box



It is pitch black.

It had always been.

She had been in love with the Darkness,she was in love with the never ending , omnipresent nature of it. Now, for the first time,she was truly frightened of it. Where does it begin,where does it end?
She was Lost,her inner compass had gone haywire.
She didn't know where to turn. Was this Darkness an enclosed space? Was it why she was mapping out her own loneliness,clawing at the dark walls for a way out?



What was the world like outside?
Are the winds changing?


Why is the world constant when she is changing?

She feels the currents around her,but she has no direction. She lets the currents wash her ashore. Was she supposed to feel her way through to find a path she would have strength to stand tall?

Her only sense of self was left in the pain that was anchoring her sanity.

How was she supposed to let that go when she couldn't remember herself without it?


Sunday, January 17, 2010

Ghost


Bound to the earth,
by an unwavering desire.
A shadow of the former self,
a vacuous shell I am,
moving through the world of the living,
present but not acknowledged,
not unwelcome.

An outsider,
who is free to love,
free to hate.
No more bound to the intricacies,
to the world of the living,
as I am to the dead.
I accept the hollowness of this freedom,
walking with the remembrance of an old life,
clinging onto the pleasing deja vu.

A ghost I am,
belonging to none.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Dream Catcher



In the spidery webs of a dream catcher,
I want the half acknowledged truths
and my deep subconscious fears to be caught
and disappear by dawn.

In the willowy patterns of a dream catcher,
I want happiness and my personal paradises
to filter through to my sleep.

Dangling above my bed,
hanging over my head,
My very own dream catcher,
which protects me from the very self knowledge,
I am afraid to confront.
When you dry out and collapse,
will all the dreams be undone?

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Vision of Hope


Note- Before you read this,it is my Twilight fanfiction. On Alice and Jasper. I love these characters and I love their relationship,and as usual my favorite characters get less screen time because everything is about Edward and Bella. -rolls eyes-And if you don't know Alice or Jasper's character history,it won't make much sense to you. Or maybe it would. Anyway-:


~Alice~
It was waking up from a nightmare,
the burning in my throat remained,
a residue of the hideous fire.
I had no sense of identity,
the emptiness seared along with my throat
The scent of humans were deliciously intoxicating.

I rolled to my feet,
letting the scent guide me,
when a vision transfixed me,
it cut through my emptiness
and gave me an identity I needed.

His face swam into my consciousness
The man had golden hair,
crescents cutting into his alabaster skin
His dark eyes rimmed with red
There was an expression of deep sadness,
it exuded around him like an aura.
but I found him beautiful.

I watched in a trance as the vision shifted,
I was holding his hand,
running towards the golden eyed vampires who were hunting animals.
He smiled at me, a peaceful,serene expression that sent explosive joy to my bones.
We both had golden eyes.

I opened my eyes,
and I felt peaceful,
for the first time since I had woken up,
from never ending darkness.
The darkness stretched before me,
like an ocean waiting to be swum across
towards the light.

I knew I would meet the man of my vision,
I knew I had to meet him.
Jasper.
He is where I was headed,
he is where my life was headed.

~Jasper~

The diner was dreary,
and I was thirsty.
Again.
I knew I would succumb to it,
the rain had made the smell of human blood,
more intoxicating,more potent.

There was a sweet smell among the humans,
an innocent flowery scent that could only belong to..
...a vampire.
She was dancing towards me blithely,
her golden eyes, her peaceful expression,
and the emotions emanating from her intrigued me.
Love? Relief? Happiness?
How strange.

"You have kept me waiting for so long"
she trilled,it was a beautiful sound.
And I ducked my head instinctively,
"I am sorry,ma'am"
She held out her hand, I studied her delicate picture,
the faith in her expression,a speculative tilt of her head.

I took her tiny hand,without making a sense of what I was doing,
the softness of her skin took me by surprise,
or perhaps,I never held anyone's hand this way.
We walked out of the diner,
and she gave me a smile.
A bewitching smile. A happy,radiant smile.
For the first time in the century,
I felt hope.