The One I wrote to escape my writer's bloc :P

Worked to the skin and bone,

wind tangled hair and dirt caked flesh

heat had taken away skin's tone,

veins glaciated at loss of a dream.

Dream are, after all, for closed eyelids,

pain, however is in the mind.

Body worked to exhume every ounce of feeling,

will they escape their time?

The Little Mermaid

Tragic little mermaid,

Don't you see?

When his blood soaks the skin of your feet,

You will be a mermaid once more,

ripping through the Great Sea

reclaiming the life you spurned

in favor of love of a human

and gaining an eternal soul.

Little mermaid,

why do you hesitate?

Why does the face of the sleeping Prince affect you so?

Is it that you remember that he tried to understand

the pain behind your smile

as you danced for him on your fragile feet ?

Raise that knife.

Steady your trembling hands

let your knife catch the glint

of the rising sun.

Forlorn little mermaid,

a fool for love.

To escape the despair she felt

when she heard the Prince whisper his bride's name in his sleep,

she threw her knife into the sea and dived in,

turning blithely into foam.

Paulo Coelho-ing

1)Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.

2)“I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now.”

3)“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it"

4)"When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself."

5)"A child can teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires."

6)"Love is not a habit, a commitment, or a debt. It isn't what romantic songs tell us it is - love simply is."

7)"Certain things in life simply have to be experienced -and never explained. Love is such a thing."

Lets Go Anywhere :D

When I learnt driving this year, ( and scared my instructor with my affinity for accelerators and fourth gears) I always thought driving was more fun than being driven around [I maintain,driving in highways gives me a high. My mission in life : drive along the sea. Road to Kalpakkam, or Port Blair or Marine drive]. Well, to amend, I like being driven around in jeeps. Open jeeps. Gives a safari feeling,doesn't it? And the places I went to in open jeeps, remote corners of jungles and middle of nowhere in deserts. Is it a wonder I have fallen in love with this vehicle? It takes me places.:D

Desert Night -The skies were never ending, inky black with thousands of stars when the jeep started climbing the desert. Desert for miles at end, a feeling you have entered a globe, or a live planetarium that tells you are in the beginning of time? I never felt so overwhelmed...or tiny. I was staring up at the open roof at the skies and then it was time to get down. The sand was cold! [ yeah, we all removed our shoes just once,to walk and see how the sand felt]. And it was pitch black. We were grabbing for each other's hands, and wondering which one is which, and went further in the desert to get our bonfire lit. Once the bonfire was lit, and everyone's faces were finally visible. We huddled up in blankets enduring the desert chill, sat on rugs, stared at the bonfire and the skies, drank up [hey,it helps the cold. *shrugs*], ate our dinner. We heard jackals howling in the distance, till then I was sure I was listening to the silence. [ yeah,you heard me.That's exactly what I mean]. Oh,and our guide told us 50 km to the west was Pakistan border. I would have loved to have seen that.
When it was time to go, the jeep had come for us again. We chased long eared rabbit, apparently only seen around there.
Its fast!
And as we got down the desert,it got considerably warmer, the magic was wearing off, and we got off the jeep, it was time to close the bottle.

The evening on Jim Corbett- Granted, we only saw paw prints [but they were fresh!], back of a wild boar scurrying to the deeper part of the forest, a herd of spotted deers, and not a whisker of a tiger, I still loved the jungle ride. Firstly, jeep rides are lot more fun standing up and you can feel like Superman because of the wind 'whoosh-ing' past your cheek. And you are snaking your way into the jungle,where it is eerily quiet. Even the birds had stopped calling. It made me feel they were watching us, and were aware of our presence. [ How could they not? with the amount of noise made.I'm surprised they didn't come out and ask everyone to shut up] But the trees, the river, the sunset between the green, and the moonlit night in the thicket of the jungle. I was surprised my imagination didn't go into overdrive and start imagining a Woman in White asking for lifts. The evening got colder and colder, and I was hammered into my seat, both hands in my pocket, and hoping I would not fall out of the jeep since I was sitting on the side or because our driver went crazy on the wheel.
Have I mentioned how tall the trees were? It made you feel claustrophobic and free at the same time. Especially in the night.

Getting back to the city after all that was strange. :D


So, Jeeps are officially my favorite form of transport. The can take you anywhere,nowhere,everywhere.They are a lot more fun.
And why don't tigers attack jeeps? Apparently, it looks like a bigger,but not edible,beast.
Lmao.

PS- being driven around is only fun when a hot guy in his sleek, sexy car takes you around. And he plays old rock and roll songs in the car. ;) or maybe just bike rides?

PPS- I'm still not confident about my driving,so if you ever risk sitting with me,make sure you are insured. :D

<3>

Take it slow this time, will ya?

I never thought of myself as sentimental, ( or maybe I have a hard time admitting I am?) so it becomes quite a discovery when I hold onto old stuff that have long gone. Old friendships, yeah the ones you think can last forever, are disintegrating right in front of my eyes and I am trying to hold on too tight, like a jealous guard of a treasure chest. My old notebooks, diaries,drawings, magazines, notes I used to pass my friends, even blank papers which I saved from my schoolbooks because they weren't used, are lying dusty underneath the old table which we got as a hand me down in Chennai. Honestly, my mother has been after my life asking me to sort them out, throw the useless ones away or at least dust them. :P

But I can't. I can't decide what I don't want, I want to keep them all. ( greedy? :D) Likewise, distance and time puts dust on a lot of relationships I'd rather keep on the shelf, than accept things as they are and clear them out. Relationships are trickier than memories, I have learnt. You just can't neglect the growing dust. And this year, I saw a lot of it.

And that weren't the only things changing. My life was changing, I discovered my love for travelling. ( I have been travelling my whole life and I realise I can't give it up only after I walk into the main city of Jaiselmer and look at the golden houses. -.- too late for epiphanies,dont you think?) And along with adrenaline-rush experiences come car accidents,jeep-tilting,creepy isolated villages, disastrous reunions, much anticipated meetings that don't happen and sacrileges in jungles. [ I'll make a list of things I can't forget later :p]

So 2011, take it slow,will ya? I had one hell of a year and I'd like a quiet pace of life back for sometime please.

Oh,on my birthday that is just days away now, I'd like to know what i want on that day. (another clearing head session needed) For planning purposes,you see. :D

Eowyn

"What do you fear, my lady?"

"A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire."

I understand that too well :D I fear am already in one though.

Me fav sequence :D The real folk blues

Faye : Where are you goin'? Why are you goin'?

Spike :...........

Faye : you told me once to forget the past. That it didn't matter. But you are the one still tied to the past Spike!

Spike :Look at these eyes,Faye.One of them is a fake,because I lost it in an accident. Since then, I have seen the past in one eye, and the present in the other. I thought I saw patches of reality,never the whole picture..

Faye : Don't tell me the things like that. You have never told me about your past so don't tell me now.

Spike :I thought I was I watching a dream that I could never wake from. Before I knew it, the dream was over..

Faye : My memory...returned. But,nothing good came of it...there was no place I could return to. This was the only place I could go....and now,you are leaving,just like that!

Why do you have to go? Where are you going? What are you going to do...just throw your life away like it was nothing?

Spike : I am not going there to die...I am going to find out if I am really alive,I have to do this,Faye.

(Spike walks away)

(Faye points the gun at his back...but then she raises it up and fires shots into the air)

(Spike walks away)

~me and Amy agreed we relate to fay here the best :D and is one of our fav sequences in bebop,second only to Ballad of Fallen Angels ~

~ * ~

Your time moves in such a gentle,unhurried pace,

it touches like the soothing ebb and flow of a tide,

bring back things that I had once lost.

Your time blows like wind by the sea shore,

the one that holds a distinct flavor,

blows with vigor and yet gently caresses the cheek.

Your time calms with its timelessness,

like the foam of the ocean that washes the feet,

pleasant and healing.

Your time has been a precious gift,

moving like a dream that doesn't intend to end,

moving at different pace than the outside world.

This time is what I want to savour,

however,little it is,

drink this till the last drop

and see whether am still insatiable.

Untitled :D

If my own feelings were a disillusion,

an Achilles heel in my armor,

who would betray my own self,

I would have chosen my hate over my love.

The blood from this betrayal would seep and soak the ground,

it will enamor its flavor onto the earth,

and this ground will reek of malice.

Love will bring life to this clay doll I have now become?

I am certain anger would suffice.

~O~

A memento for one of my fav movies : MEMENTO

Quotes by Leornard Shelby: (Guy Pearce; he did brilliant in this movie <3)

1) Memory can change the shape of a room; it can change the color of a car. And memories can be distorted. They're just an interpretation, they're not a record, and they're irrelevant if you have the facts. [couldn't have put it better myself]

2)I have to believe in a world outside my own mind. I have to believe that my actions still have meaning, even if I can't remember them. I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world's still there. Do I believe the world's still there? Is it still out there? … Yeah. We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are. I'm no different … now … where was I? [nice end. A moment of self knowledge and self realisation..and that memory wiped clean once again. Really,are we so sure that this guy is different from us?]

3) I don't even know how long she's been gone. It's like I've woken up in bed and she's not here … because she's gone to the bathroom or something. But somehow, I know she's never gonna come back to bed. If I could just … reach over and touch … her side of the bed, I would know that it was cold, but I can't. I know I can't have her back … but I don't want to wake up in the morning, thinking she's still here. I lie here not knowing … how long I've been alone. So how … how can I heal? How am I supposed to heal if I can't … feel time? [ this line hits me whenever it comes in the movie..the lines are painful on paper themselves.]

4) There are things you know for sure.I know what that's going to sound like when I knock on it. I know that's what going to feel like when I pick it up. See? Certainties. It's the kind of memory that you take for granted. [Touche']

"So you lie to yourself to be happy. There's nothing wrong with that. We all do it."-Teddy Gammell.

Leonard Shelby: I don't think they'd let someone like me carry a gun.

Teddy: I f---ing hope not. [ me : lmao]

Ballad of the Undead

Revive me from the dead,

I'm searching for the strength to get up from this paralysis.

Don't tell me this search is futile,

that I am nothing but an empty corpse,

that once this dagger had struck,

my recesses have left me in this lurch.

Will I be able to get up,

from the ashes of my vicious will?

Do I have to haunt the night,

to experience the sad joy of being alive?

This cold emptiness would drive me insane.

Oh, won't you give me a reason?

Dig up these graves and open this coffin,

give me a purpose for the midnight prowl.

Don't tell me it is futile,

that this search is endless,

that I am nothing but a shell.

Let me lie to myself,

that I am still alive.

That I am still breathing.

That I have something to hold onto.

That I can get up from this slumber,

and awaken into my life.

Life inside a Pandora's Box

It is pitch black.

It had always been.

She had been in love with the Darkness,she was in love with the never ending , omnipresent nature of it. Now, for the first time,she was truly frightened of it. Where does it begin,where does it end?

She was Lost,her inner compass had gone haywire.

She didn't know where to turn. Was this Darkness an enclosed space? Was it why she was mapping out her own loneliness,clawing at the dark walls for a way out?

What was the world like outside?

Are the winds changing?


Why is the world constant when she is changing?

She feels the currents around her,but she has no direction. She lets the currents wash her ashore. Was she supposed to feel her way through to find a path she would have strength to stand tall?

Her only sense of self was left in the pain that was anchoring her sanity.

How was she supposed to let that go when she couldn't remember herself without it?

Ghost

Bound to the earth,
by an unwavering desire.
A shadow of the former self,
a vacuous shell I am,
moving through the world of the living,
present but not acknowledged,
not unwelcome.

An outsider,
who is free to love,
free to hate.
No more bound to the intricacies,
to the world of the living,
as I am to the dead.
I accept the hollowness of this freedom,
walking with the remembrance of an old life,
clinging onto the pleasing deja vu.

A ghost I am,
belonging to none.

Dream Catcher

In the spidery webs of a dream catcher,
I want the half acknowledged truths
and my deep subconscious fears to be caught
and disappear by dawn.

In the willowy patterns of a dream catcher,
I want happiness and my personal paradises
to filter through to my sleep.

Dangling above my bed,
hanging over my head,
My very own dream catcher,
which protects me from the very self knowledge,
I am afraid to confront.
When you dry out and collapse,
will all the dreams be undone?

Vision of Hope

Note- Before you read this,it is my Twilight fanfiction. On Alice and Jasper. I love these characters and I love their relationship,and as usual my favorite characters get less screen time because everything is about Edward and Bella. -rolls eyes-And if you don't know Alice or Jasper's character history,it won't make much sense to you. Or maybe it would. Anyway-:


~Alice~
It was waking up from a nightmare,
the burning in my throat remained,
a residue of the hideous fire.
I had no sense of identity,
the emptiness seared along with my throat
The scent of humans were deliciously intoxicating.

I rolled to my feet,
letting the scent guide me,
when a vision transfixed me,
it cut through my emptiness
and gave me an identity I needed.

His face swam into my consciousness
The man had golden hair,
crescents cutting into his alabaster skin
His dark eyes rimmed with red
There was an expression of deep sadness,
it exuded around him like an aura.
but I found him beautiful.

I watched in a trance as the vision shifted,
I was holding his hand,
running towards the golden eyed vampires who were hunting animals.
He smiled at me, a peaceful,serene expression that sent explosive joy to my bones.
We both had golden eyes.

I opened my eyes,
and I felt peaceful,
for the first time since I had woken up,
from never ending darkness.
The darkness stretched before me,
like an ocean waiting to be swum across
towards the light.

I knew I would meet the man of my vision,
I knew I had to meet him.
Jasper.
He is where I was headed,
he is where my life was headed.

~Jasper~

The diner was dreary,
and I was thirsty.
Again.
I knew I would succumb to it,
the rain had made the smell of human blood,
more intoxicating,more potent.

There was a sweet smell among the humans,
an innocent flowery scent that could only belong to..
...a vampire.
She was dancing towards me blithely,
her golden eyes, her peaceful expression,
and the emotions emanating from her intrigued me.
Love? Relief? Happiness?
How strange.

"You have kept me waiting for so long"
she trilled,it was a beautiful sound.
And I ducked my head instinctively,
"I am sorry,ma'am"
She held out her hand, I studied her delicate picture,
the faith in her expression,a speculative tilt of her head.

I took her tiny hand,without making a sense of what I was doing,
the softness of her skin took me by surprise,
or perhaps,I never held anyone's hand this way.
We walked out of the diner,
and she gave me a smile.
A bewitching smile. A happy,radiant smile.
For the first time in the century,
I felt hope.

His and Her Sonnet

Dedicated to Amrutha and Lee ^_^

It was raining outside. The water pressed against the window,and the rain gushed like an excited child. The chilly air made goosebumps of her fair skin rise like pink dots,trailing across her bare arms. She wrapped herself more securely in a blanket,and listened to the quiet rhythmic breathing on her side. She rolled over,and watched his face with a smile.
Boy or a man?
She couldn't tell. It was a face of a boy forced to grow up into a man,but the sleep smoothed out the hard mask,his face was peaceful.Her eyes were tender as she watched him,each second,never getting bored and reveling in the slow movement of time as she watched him sleep.She sat up,her hand on his forehead,as if she wanted to be a part of the place where he found peace. I am right here, she thought as she watched him.You just have to open your eyes.


~~~
The rain was like a curtain that separated them from rest of the world. Like a tiny,peaceful bubble. The chilly air had made goosebumps rise across her fair arms,he traced them absently.
Woman or a child?
He couldn't tell.She gazes with that soft stare that knows him much more than he does. Yet,he sees her grin playfully and launch into an excited chatter like a child,her face dissolving into endearing childishness which changes into a woman's mysterious knowing smile with unnerving speed.
She closes her eyes and lays her head on his chest,like a content kitten curling up before the warmth and he holds her there,much more content than he has known himself. He watches her sleep,watching her innocence effortlessly blending into sensuality...still wondering,marveling about the woman with him .
~~

Little Princess

Hey,little one,
yes,you..the one who is locked up
inside of me.
I know you are mad,
that I have bolted the door too tight.
You are resentful,
you are claustrophobic.

You question why I lock you away,
you who believes in magic,
and happy endings,
with your faith in your beliefs,
and your many wants,
you who believes
you are a princess with white dresses,
waiting for a prince.

Can you understand why I cannot have it any other way?
I sense your smugness,
as I see paradise at bay.
When the magic words are said,
the spell is broken,
the door is open,
you burst forth and take control,
you smile,
and I cry.

The Happy Clown

Here was the happy clown,
A painted smile to his face,
his laughter was a blithe and untroubled sound,
he amuses his audience in his pace.

Painful truths in jest,
he professes.
Leaving his audience in mirth,
they still underestimate his worth.

No one wonders about the face behind
the antics asinine.
He remains the happy clown,
a painted smile on his face
No one sees the hint of a frown,
behind his painted face.

Monster

The shell burst into pieces,
like glass shards of a bottle that held too much.

There was no shape anymore,
to contain the acid churning inside.
It spilled over,
hurting those it needed the most,
scarring those who it loved.

Appalling myself.
Gushing out of my control,
There is a monster lurking inside of me,
can I hope to subdue it,
when there is no shape to hold it in anymore?

~

Masquerade

The hall stretched above him into a dome,the chandelier swinging ominously with delicate 'clinks'. The music delicately rose in and out like a tide. The first few masked dancers were already on the floor. The crowd was slowly milling in,wearing rather imaginative costumes. This is going to be interesting,he mused to himself as he stood against the wall. He was wearing a dark overcoat,a black turtleneck and an amused smile. He was standing in the corner,and he rather doubted he needed a mask as the colorful crowd camouflaged him so well. The crowd hushed for a moment, watching a new arrival warily. He craned his neck to see them.
He saw her first. The man she was with,he did not care much about.
She was walking elegantly on the arm of that man,her delicate frame covered in black satin. It was easy to see her blood pulse through her pale skin,he could see it pool her cheeks easily as she smiled at the people she knew. She looked over at him,there was a puzzled half smile on her face as she turned away. He hadn't realized he was staring.
He followed her easily through the crowd,because she, like him,wasn't wearing a mask. She like him,did not smell like a human. She was standing near the banquet table,her dark eyes scanning the crowd. She got herself red wine and turned to face him,her eyebrows raised in a question. "You were following me"
" I was" he admitted.
"Why?" she asked simply,as if she did not care for the answer.
"This is a masquerade ball" he told her,grinning."What are you wearing?" gesturing towards her evening gown and her lack of a mask.
She half smiled,not a warm one,but a rather intimidating one. "I am wearing my face"